Kenshin Meets Magenta
by Generic Gen
Summary: Take a high class tour through the daily lives of our fave posse! Cheers, Magenta kimonos, marriage counseling, fables, and a heck of a lotta humor! All readers must give a price of one review. CHAPTER 5 IS UP!!!
1. Default Chapter

Kenshin Meets Magenta  
  
We meet up with our favorite little group of crime fighting kick-butt super heroes, at the dojo, calmly eating breakfast. Er- let me rephrase that: We meet up with goof troop at the dojo, bickering over the last piece of tofu, throwing each other looks of complete revulsion that, if looks could kill, would cause our favorite little ten year old to be rolling around in his grave, screaming out, "Kaoru! Spare me from your wrath!".  
  
"I want the tofu!".  
  
"I cooked it, so I should get it!".  
  
"Your cooking is worse than a baboon's backside!".  
  
"YOU TAKE THAT BACK YAHIKO!".  
  
"NO UGLY!".  
  
Whilst they're still suffocating each other and tugging relentlessly on each other's hair, we'll leave this oh-so-peaceful couple and will trot along to see what our official bum is doing, shall we?  
  
Sanoske leaned back against the wooden frame, a piece of hay lingering in his mouth. He sighed. This was the life. Calmly, he picked up a bottle of sake he snagged and took two sips, belching loudly. So loudly, infact, so loud that it actually -GASP- made our fighting couple ACTUALLY STOP FIGHTING!  
  
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!", Yahiko cried.  
  
"Yahiko!", Kaoru hissed, "it's rude to say eww!".  
  
Kaoru abruptly yelled, "GROOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!".  
  
"See, that way it's more polite!", Kaoru said sweetly.  
  
Now, we will leave this oh-so-polite posse and will head on to the next member of our group, Kenshin Himura.  
  
Kenshin hummed softly while anxiously rubbing the cloth against the water, merrily looking to his fellow buddies who now resumed to their normal bickering. The bubbles were very calming, indeed. One needed such first class soothing if they were dreading Kaoru's pan attacks, which Kenshin incidentally often had to face.  
  
His humming was now turning into joyful singing, which immediately got the attention of our buddy which we affectionately dub 'lazy bum'.  
  
"Hey, what's Kenshin singing over there?", he asked, sparing a glance to the laundry washing man.  
  
"It sounds like a marching song", Yahiko said.  
  
Kenshin's soft singing was getting louder by the second.  
  
"Down the alley there's a cemetery!  
  
And that's where Shishio's gonna be buried!  
  
Tofu packages, laundry whites!  
  
V. I. C. T. O. R. Y.!!!!!".  
  
"Hey, that's a catchy tune!", Sano laughed.  
  
"Well ,what are you waiting for, let's sing!", Kaoru cried.  
  
"Down the alley there's a cemetery!", Kenshin yelled.  
  
"Down the alley there's a cemetery!", Kaoru, Sano, and Yahiko repeated.  
  
"And that's where Shishio's gonna be buried!".  
  
"And that's where Shishio's gonna be buried!", Kaoru squealed.  
  
"Tofu package, laundry whites!".  
  
"Tofu packages, laundry whites!", Sano yelled in deep sopranos.  
  
"V! I! C! T! O! R! Y!".  
  
"V! I! C! T! O! R! Y!", Yahiko cheered, while pulling out some pompoms and doing a series of cartwheels.  
  
Megumi walked into the dojo, with Misao, Okina, Aiji, Aoshi, Seitoh, Ayame, Suzume, and Dr. Gensai (sp?).  
  
"My my", she said. "What's going on here!".  
  
Yahiko bundled on to them, bobbing on his feet with glee. "Join the fun!", he squealed in a preppy, cheer-leader, girlish voice. "And a one, two, and one two three four!".  
  
"Down the alley there's a cemetery!  
  
And that's where Shishio's gonna be buried!  
  
Tofu packages, laundry whites!  
  
V. I. C. T. O. R. Y.!!!".  
  
Soon, everybody was merrily singing and jingling on with the tune. Yes, even Aoshi.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
The next day followed the same schedule, and when the tofu had finally been snagged by the cat and Kaoru threw away Sano's half empty bottle of sake, and all fighting possibilities ran away, Kaoru walked up to Kenshin and handed him a magenta kimono.  
  
"Kenshin, can you wash this please, Sano spilled sake all over it yesterday".  
  
"Why of course, Miss Kaoru", he smiled, and took the kimono, scrubbing it gently.  
  
Kaoru walked way to continue teaching Yahiko.  
  
'Magenta', Kenshin thought, absent mindedly washing the soft kimono. 'What a cheerful color, ne? So bright, so confident, so motivating, so exquisite, so trendy...'.  
  
*Five minutes later*  
  
'Magenta....magenta....such a nice name, too. It's not such a bright pink, like my gi, yet not as dark as purple. What a wondrous color. Hmm, perhaps sessha should get a new gi'.  
  
*Ten minutes later*  
  
"Magenta, magenta, magenta magenta magenta. MAGENTA!", Kenshin sang. And yes, he was still washing the kimono. He was scrubbing it so hard, in fact, that he burned a hole through it! GASP!  
  
Kaoru walked to Kenshin, looking down at him cheerfully. "Are you done with washing my kimono, Kenshin? Kenshin? What are you singing? Why's there a hole in that cloth? Wait- is that my kimono?!".  
  
"Magenta, magenta, MAGENTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!".  
  
"KENSHIN! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MY FAVORITE KIMONO?!?!?!?!?!".  
  
"Magenta!!!".  
  
"Shutup! I don't give a care about magenta!".  
  
Kenshin gasped. "How. Could. YOU?! Do you dare to insult MAGENTA?!".  
  
"Yes. I do!".  
  
And she took out her bokken and began repeatedly whacking Kenshin on the head, yelling her head off about him ruining her kimono.  
  
*Ten minutes later*  
  
The clerk looked at Kenshin suspiciously. "How exactly did this come to be?", he asked, holding up a magenta kimono with a large hole in it.  
  
Kenshin sighed, and began explaining the whole story.  
  
*Two hours later*  
  
"And then she yelled at me, and said if I didn't get this fixed soon, she wouldn't give me any more dirty laundry to wash! Are you listening? Clerk? ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!".  
  
The clerk, who was sleeping, now letting out a tiny stream of drool woke up with a start. "Oh, very nice story. Well, anyways-".  
  
"Women! She never appreciates all I do for her! I mean, what does a guy have to do to make a woman happy!-".  
  
"That's all very nice, Mr. Himura, but I think you and your wife should settle the matter together".  
  
"I mean, I buy tofu for her, I wash laundry for her- oro?".  
  
"Talk to her", the clerk said calmly. "Explain to her that you're sorry. Say you are grateful for everything she does for you".  
  
"Oro? Are you a marriage psychologist or something?".  
  
"I don't want to hear that word", the clerk said calmly.  
  
*Three hours later*  
  
"Do you understand, Mr. Himura?".  
  
Kenshin sniffed, and said dejectedly, "Yes".  
  
"Good. Now go home and tell Mrs. Himura I give her my best".  
  
"Yes", Kenshin bowed, and walked out into the darkness.  
  
Walking to the dojo, Kenshin thought over his words. Then he wrinkled his nose. "Wait. I'm not married".  
  
"Ah well", he shrugged, and continued walking to the dojo, humming the marching tune again.  
  
Walking inside, he squealed when Kaoru began crying and fell into his arms.  
  
"Kenshin! Where were you?! I thought you got hurt or something! Why'd you take so long?! Oh my gosh, I was so worried, what if the last thing I told you was to not come back?! Oh, Kenshin!".  
  
Kenshin patted her back awkwardly. "Now, Miss Kaoru, you know I can take care of myself perfectly fine, there's no need to be worried!".  
  
Kaoru sniffed. "Really?", she asked.  
  
"Yes", Kenshin said calmly.  
  
Kaoru immediately stopped crying. "Okay!", she said cheerfully.  
  
Kenshin smiled.  
  
"Okay, young man, so where's my kimono?!".  
  
He sweatdropped.  
  
She pulled the magenta kimono out of his hands, and inspected the hole. Her face scrunched up. Kenshin swallowed, ready for the impact.  
  
"KENSHIN!!!!!!! I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME HOME TILL YOU GOT THIS FIXED!", she roared.  
  
"B-but Miss Kaoru-", he sputtered.  
  
"Now don't you but Miss Kaoru me! I strictly *told* you to get this kimono fixed! Gosh! No one ever listens to me anymore!".  
  
"Uh- but Miss Kaoru! I appreciate you!", he said quickly, thinking back to what the clerk said.  
  
Kaoru sniffed. "You do?", she asked, trembling.  
  
"Yes", Kenshin cried, nodding feverently. "And- and, I'm really sorry for making a hole in your kimono- but- but- IT WASN'T MY FAULT!", he wailed, falling to his knees, sobbing loudly.  
  
"There, there", Kaoru said sympathetically, patting his back. "Why don't you tell me the whole story?".  
  
*Two hours later. Again.*.  
  
Kenshin sniffed sadly, and looked up at Miss Kaoru, who was holding him like a baby. "Miss Kaoru, why can't I have magenta eyes?".  
  
"Aww, Kenshin", she said.  
  
"I want magenta eyes!", he whined.  
  
Patting his back again, Kaoru said in a baby voice, "We all want magenta eyes, Kenshin. But we can't always get what we want".  
  
"B-but amber is such a *scary* color", he whimpered. "But magenta is so happy!".  
  
"You're right, Kenshin. But you can't have magenta eyes".  
  
Kenshin burst into tears.  
  
"Why don't you tell me how it all started?", Kaoru said in a soft voice.  
  
*Four hours later*  
  
"And t-then once, I said I wanted to be a circus clown, but my brothers m-made fun of me!", he wailed. "A-and, then there was this one t- time when I was o-only six, a-and, my brothers forced m-me to clean up after the horses!".  
  
"Poor baby", Kaoru cooed.  
  
*One hour later*  
  
Kenshin sat up and looked at Kaoru, smiling sweetly. "Thank you for listening to me, Miss Kaoru".  
  
"No problem, Kenshin", she smiled. "You know you can always go to me for help!".  
  
Kenshin hugged Kaoru.  
  
"Tomorrow, we'll go out to the market and buy you a magenta gi!", Kaoru smiled, hugging him back.  
  
"Really?".  
  
"Really".  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
Well, that was a strange emotional breakdown, now wasn't it? Well, now, we leave the two lovebirds and enter upon a scene that night, where Dr. Gensai is telling Misao, Aoshi, and Aiji a bedtime story. Ayame, Suzume, and Yahiko are already asleep.  
  
"So then what happened, Dr. Gensai?", Misao asked eagerly.  
  
"I'm too old for this", Aiji muttered.  
  
"This is embarrassing", Aoshi mumbled.  
  
"Then the weasel and the rat escaped together on a piece of wood and swam away from the stream. They found the forest again and went home. The end".  
  
"That was a great story Dr. Gensai!", Misao squealed.  
  
"Can you say it again?", Aoshi asked.  
  
They stared at him.  
  
"N-not that I enjoyed it- or anything".  
  
Now we shall leave this uncomfortable scene in which Aoshi reveals his inner self, and will go on to the next day, where they confront Okina.  
  
Okina sat down on the porch, watching Aiji watch Kaoru watch Yahiko, who was practicing the Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu. Suddenly, Misao and Aoshi walked into him.  
  
"Oh, Gramps!", Misao squealed. "We just *have* to tell you the most amazing story we've ever heard!".  
  
"We?", Aoshi asked under his breath.  
  
"Well, see, first it begins that there were a rat and a weasel".  
  
Aiji walked to them. Aoshi continued glaring at Misao.  
  
"The two of them *hated* each other!".  
  
"Well, c'mon, Aoshi, at least help me out here!", Misao cried.  
  
"I don't know what kind of story you're talking about", Aoshi said firmly.  
  
"Aiji?", Misao asked hopefully.  
  
Aiji sighed. "Fine. The rat thought the weasel was a nuisance".  
  
Misao looked at him questioningly.  
  
"Suddenly, a big scary storm was coming!", she cried, brushing off Aiji. "The two of them ended up camping out in the same cave!".  
  
"The rat grew sick of the annoying weasel who wouldn't shut up".  
  
Misao glared. "And the weasel didn't like the rat because he was such a pompous jerk".  
  
Aiji glared back at Misao. "And the rat decided to leave because it went to go search for food. He was going to leave the weasel behind because she didn't know how to take care of herself".  
  
Misao bared back her lips, showing vicious teeth. "But it turned out the weasel could take perfect care of herself, so she went along!".  
  
Aiji clenched his fists. "The rat only *let* the weasel come with him because she kept on begging him!".  
  
Aoshi blinked. This wasn't how the story went! He carefully looked from Misao to Aiji.  
  
"And then they fell into a river because the idiot rat pushed them into it!".  
  
"And they were being swept down to a waterfall because the infuriating weasel insisted they go to the right, where the waterfall was!".  
  
Aoshi put a hand up. "Before you two completely rip the story apart, I would like to continue"  
  
.  
Okina tried hard not to burst out laughing at ice-hearted Aoshi attempting to tell a children's tale.  
  
"They both found a piece of wood and swam to shore. They went home. They lived happily ever after. The end. Thank you", Aoshi bowed to Okina's clapping.  
  
Misao had a sudden idea. "But, it goes on!", she squealed.  
  
The guys simply stared at her.  
  
"See, the weasel was an adventurer, and she went exploring, and found a wolf! She and the wolf fell in love, and lived happily ever after! Right Aoshi?!".  
  
Aoshi blinked.  
  
Okina tried hard not to laugh like the madman he was.  
  
Now we shall leave this scene, and go on to the next chapter! Er- the next chapter in their lives, I mean. Well, until then, Sayonara! *********************************************************************** *Hpdigigal here. Well. I don't know where all these ideas go!*  
  
Nick: They dwell in the unmapped regions of her quote on quote 'brain'.  
  
Alexa: Nah, they just wander around in her head, and surface often.  
  
Nick: Yes, you're probably right.  
  
*Anyways, I just decided I should start a humor fic, so... here it is! Well, anyways, there were some terms in here that aren't from the English language, and so here's a dictionary for your convenience:* baka: idiot. A classic word.  
  
Gi: A type of clothing, the top shirt like thingy...  
  
sessha: Kenshin's way of saying 'I'  
  
bokken: The wooden stick used in the Kamiya Kasshin style  
  
oro: Kenshin's way of saying 'Huh?' 'What?'  
  
Ryuu: Style, school 


	2. Hyperactive slaves, Yahiko's wrath, Mage...

Kenshin Meets Magenta  
  
Chapter Two: Hyperactive slaves, Yahiko's wrath, Pink Gi's, and Muscely Little Girls  
  
*A/N's:  
  
1/ ACK! I just realized I forgot last chappie's disclaimer! SORRY! Ahem.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. If I did, then why the heck would I be writing on fanfiction.net? Get it? Fan. Fiction.  
  
1/ I feel loved. Thank you, reviewers. No, seriously. Ask my buddies Nick and Alexa. I couldn't stop giggling with excitement! I LOVE YOU ALL!  
  
2/Oh my good golly gosh! I just realized I've been spelling Saitou's name wrong all this time! Oh well.  
  
3/ From before, I forgot to tell you that the song actually originates from a cheer my school sings in a basketball game. Of course, the words are a little different. And yes, we did have to stop singing it due to the censoring machine from the other team's supporters becoming overloaded.  
  
4/ The dictionary thing. I put in the word baka, but I didn't put it in the actual story. Sorry ya'll. I was gonna make Kaoru call Yahiko a baka, or Kenshin, but I forgot! Sorry!  
  
5/ Thanks to medieval princess for the use of Magenta. I was originally going to use pink, but then she told me his gi was already hot pink, and gave me the idea of using magenta. Thankies!  
  
6/ Enough with my rambling notes, on to the story! *  
  
Disclaimer: Ha! Me own Rurouni Kenshin? Puh- LEEZ!  
  
Chapter Two:  
  
Ah! Welcome back to your tour around the daily lives of our fave posse! Remember, the cost of this high expense trip is only one review! Yes, only *one* review! Take advantage of this low-cost tour!  
  
Well now, let us glide our way to the beginning of the day, where our fellow Kenshin-wannabe, Yahiko Myojin, rests peacefully in a deep slumber.  
  
Yahiko's legs kicked the air aimlessly while he turned around, snoring loudly and making him look very dumb indeed. He was muttering something in his sleep, while frowning slightly.  
  
"No...ow...Kaoru stop! Stop! Stop hitting me with your stupid bokken! Stop...".  
  
It seems like our little samurai is having a nightmare that is soon to become real, because-  
  
"YAHIKO! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO WAKE UP?!".  
  
Kaoru ran over to Yahiko, who was still kicking the air, and kicked his shoulder.  
  
"OW!", he yelled, then fell back asleep, muttering something about how cruel the world was to have fated him with an ugly teacher like Kaoru.  
  
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!", Kaoru yelled, kicking his arm.  
  
"GET OFF ME UGLY!".  
  
"That's it Yahiko! Now you'll have to do 500 more strokes!".  
  
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!!?!??!?!", Yahiko yelled, getting up immediately, throwing a look of utter and absolute revulsion at his teacher.  
  
"You heard me! Now get up and get started!".  
  
Grumbling nastily under his breath, Yahiko got up, splashed his face with some water, and prepared to do strokes, imagining that each and every one of them was hitting Kaoru's head.  
  
Well, that was a cheery awakening, was it not? Let us move on- and watch out for Yahiko's bokken- to the clinic, where a fox woman is now treating one of her patients.  
  
Megumi sighed. She loved being a doctor- but honestly- wasn't there some policy of not having to treat this particular patient? Earlier that morning, when she first caught sight of the patient, she immediately pulled her boss aside and began begging hopelessly.  
  
"PLEASE! I do NOT want to have to treat him!".  
  
"Ms.Takani, I'm sorry, but you must treat every single normal patient equally!".  
  
"But this particular patient isn't normal!", she hissed, pointing to the patient inside. "You honestly can't expect me to treat---".  
  
"Sanoske Sagara", she said hopelessly, looking at the man who was sitting in front of her.  
  
"That's my name!", Sanoske said cheerfully.  
  
"Yes I can!", the boss said happily, and did a curtsy, leaving the room.  
  
"Please lie down on the stretcher", Megumi said with 0% emotion.  
  
"Gladly, fox-lady!", Sanoske said perkily.  
  
"Why are you so perky? Did you get stuck in the sake again?", she asked, while surveying his shoulder.  
  
"No! I'm just ever-so-happy!".  
  
"Right", Megumi said sarcastically.  
  
"What? I *am*!".  
  
"Sure", she mumbled, adding anti-biotic to his wound.  
  
"OW! That hurts me!".  
  
"Well, what do you expect? It to be painless, you big lousy lazy bum?".  
  
"No- HEY!".  
  
"Well, you know it's true!".  
  
Let us leave this inevitable lashing of verbal abuse before it begins. We have better things to do with our lives.  
  
Ah, yes, here we are. Over here we see Ayame and Suzume playing tic tac toe, while bribing Saitou for tips.  
  
"Please, Mr. Policeman? Where should I put my X?", she asked, giving him the lip.  
  
"AAH! NO! THE LIP! DON'T GIVE ME THE LIIIIIP! OH...THE HORROR!!!!". Saitou was trembling in fear, biting his nails.  
  
Ayame refused to budge her lip, quivering it slightly.  
  
Saitou sighed. "Alright", he muttered. "Since you asked so *politely*".  
  
He pointed to an empty spot next to Suzume's O.  
  
Suzume grinned evilly. She looked up to Saitou, still wearing that evil grin.  
  
"Uh...", he said nervously. He glanced suspiciously at Suzume's grin which was baring fangs. He shuddered. Evil looks never meant something good. He had plenty of experience, him being the one who delivered them.  
  
Suzume took the drawing stick and put it next to a drawing box. She firmly made an O and sat back, smiling evilly, cherishing the effects of her work.  
  
Ayame's eyes went as wide as saucers. She counted the number of O's slowly, taking time to register the fact: She lost.  
  
Saitou calmly stared at the game, while in reality, he was staring into open space, thinking of absolutely nothing. He liked to do that sometimes. Calmed him down. Made him feel peaceful and happy and full of fuzzy bears and unicorns and stuff.  
  
Absentmindedly taking out a short stick, he began filing his nails professionally. Yes, he *was* filing his nails. Made him feel as though he was scrubbing all of his troubles away.  
  
Then, snapping out of it, he realized Ayame was stuttering, looking, paralyzed at the sand, while Suzume was doing a little jig of delight. Saitou studied the gameboard. Three X's. Four O's. One loss.  
  
He pondered for a bit, peacefully, wondering who could've been so unfortunate as to lose to such an easy game. While he was pondering, Ayame's temper grew.  
  
Whilst still thinking to himself with no care in the world, Ayame's face began to boil up, turning a fiery red. Suzume even stopped dancing and looked to watch this interesting change of color.  
  
Now, sit back, relax, and watch with Suzume this interesting array of colors!  
  
Ayame's face first became as hot red as a beet, then as yellow and as pale as an overripe lemon, then turned green as a cucumber, then quickly sped onto an ugly puce.  
  
She slowly turned her puce head to Saitou, who was peacefully thinking, suddenly remembering it was Ayame who lost. Proud of himself for being able to figure that out, he looked up to see a young girl with a disturbing-colored face. Boy, would he feel sorry for the victim of that stare.  
  
Who was that, really?, he pondered.  
  
Ayame began flexing her muscles (which were surprisingly huge) and stared at Saitou with a look that a wolf gives its prey. Saitou gulped.  
  
"Mr. POLICEMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!", she screamed.  
  
And immediately, she began kicking his legs very hard.  
  
"Ow! OW! OWW! GET OFF! GET OFF! SPARE MERCY! MEEEEEERRRRRCCCCCCCCCCCYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!", he cried.  
  
Ayame was now holding Saitou up above her, and quickly spun him around, throwing him, picking him up, spinning him around, throwing him, picking him up, spinning him around, throwing him, picking him up, spinning him around, throwing him...you get the idea. Oh yes, she was also kicking him, punching him, and screaming at the top of her lungs at the whimpering man.  
  
Suzume was now sitting back, munching merrily on some tofu, watching the girl beat up the tall policeman with a Japanese katana.  
  
Ahem. Well. That was interesting. Ayame must be working out. And now, we shall venture off to the exciting and adventurous world of *ahem* Sanoske Sagara!  
  
"And so, the guy's like, 'Sano, you want some sake?'. And then I'm like, 'Well ,you know I do!'. And then he's like- doc? Doc? Yoo-hoo? Are you listening?".  
  
Megumi immediately stopped snoring, and wiped a drool away. Dusting herself off, she said, "Er...yes".  
  
"Okay then, Megumi. If you were listening then answer this: What was I talking about, huh?".  
  
Megumi scrunched her eyebrows. "You were talking about", she said carefully, "bout how it was such a pleasure to know you're healed and that you can go home now and leave the nice, beautiful, thoughtful, considerate, patient, perseverant doctor alone!".  
  
Sano scratched his head. "I see where you're going. You don't want me".  
  
"Yes!", Megumi said, relieved that he finally got the point. "Yes, that's exactly what I was aiming for!".  
  
Sanoske burst into tears.  
  
"Uh- uh", Megumi said nervously, looking around for any help. "Um...".  
  
Sanoske just cried even louder.  
  
"Well. Um".  
  
"You hate me!", he cried.  
  
"No I don't", she said distractedly, still looking for anyone who would help her. But everyone surrounding them found this scenario quite funny.  
  
"Yes you do!".  
  
"No I don't", she muttered, pleading with her eyes for someone to shut Sano up.  
  
"Yes you do!".  
  
"No I don't!", she snapped, getting irritated.  
  
"Yes you do!".  
  
"No I don't!!!!!!!!!".  
  
"Then why do you always call me a log and a lazy bum and an annoying rooster head and a-".  
  
"Maybe cause you *are* those things", she said under her breath.  
  
"WAAA!".  
  
"Please be quiet Sano".  
  
Sano sniffed.  
  
Megumi sighed.  
  
Everybody else laughed their heads off.  
  
Megumi slowly took out a mild tranquilizer.  
  
"-and you always yell at me and we never get along and- Megumi?", Sano asked nervously. "What's that in your hand? It looks like a big scary needle- Megumi? Why are you bringing it closer to me? Hey- get it away! I don't do well under pointy things! Get it away! AWAY!".  
  
Megumi stuck it in his arm .  
  
"Away! Away...*snore*".  
  
Megumi sighed, relieved.  
  
*three hours later*  
  
Ah! Sanoske has finally awaken, and it seems he has gone back to normal! Let us witness this unfortunate series of events!  
  
Sano rubbed his eyes casually, and yawned loudly, taking in his surroundings.  
  
"Why am I in a hospital?", he wondered aloud.  
  
He looked down slowly at his bandaged arm and smelled his breath. "Oh", he thought dully.  
  
"Well", he thought, stretching his arms, "better get outta here".  
  
"Without paying the bill?", a sharp voice said irately.  
  
"Eh...Megumi, ya know I ain't got no money", he muttered.  
  
"I don't care", she said in an angry tone, standing in front of him. "You owe me...let's see, 50 yen for the wound treatment, 20 for whining your head off at me, 30 for wasting my life, 10 for sleeping two hours more than you were supposed to, and, oh yes, 40 more for simply existing".  
  
Sano fell over. "Now doc", he said carefully, getting up and walking slooooooowly to the door, "is that what I get for stopping you from committing suicide?".  
  
"Yes", Megumi said unflinchingly. "And get away from that door!".  
  
Sano sweatdropped. Then, deciding that he had no choice, he fell to his knees and hugged Megumi's legs desperately.  
  
"Please Megumi! I have no money! I'll do anything! Anyythiiing!".  
  
Megumi put a finger to her chin and smiled thoughtfully. "You *could* be my servant", she said slowly.  
  
"Yes! Yes!", Sano said happily.  
  
"Okay then!", Megumi said excitedly, clasping her hands together in happiness.  
  
*ten minutes later at Megumi's home*  
  
Sanoske looked at the place with wonder in his eyes. It was huge! A mansion! It had statues of golden foxes inside and big pretty fountains of water! It was LUXURY!  
  
Sano suddenly realized something. His face grew as red as a tomato and he looked down at Megumi, yelling at the top of his lungs, "I'VE BEEN SCRAPING FOR FOOD AND CAMPING OUT IN OTHER PEOPLE'S HOMES ALL THIS TIME AND YOU NEVER INVITED ME OR ANYONE ELSE AT THE DOJO?! HOW INSENSITIVE CAN YOU BE?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!".  
  
Megumi snarled at Sano.  
  
We'll leave now before the biggest fight of a life time occurs and poor Sano will be beaten to a pulp.  
  
*back at the dojo*  
  
"689, 690...", Yahiko breathed, arms dropping limply to their sides. A crowd was gathered around him now, cheering him on.  
  
"691", he gasped, swooshing his bokken down. "692...".  
  
He sighed. "I JUST CAN'T DO IT!", he wailed.  
  
"Little Yahiko, you can do it!", Tsubame cried.  
  
"Don't call me little!", Yahiko roared.  
  
"LITTLE YAHIKO! LITTLE YAHIKO! LITTLE YAHIKO!!!!", everybody cried.  
  
"STOP!", Yahiko yelled, doing 693, "CALLING! *swoosh 694* ME! *swoosh numero 695* LIIIIIIIIIIITTTT - *696, 697, 698* LLLLLEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! *699, and, *gasp* alas! 700!*.  
  
Yahiko bowed down to jubilant and unanimous cheers filling the stadium. He bowed deeply, accepting the roses being thrown at him and prepared his speech. Wait- that's not right, let me fix that.  
  
Yahiko bowed down to the cheers filling the crowd that surrounded him, then got up, with an evil and creepy glint in his eyes. He lifted up his bokken, and whacked the nearest person, making him go unconscious.  
  
"That what you get!", he cackled evilly, and began chasing everyone else, who began screaming their heads off and running from Yahiko's wrath.  
  
*one hour later*  
  
Yahiko put his bokken casually on his shoulder, smiling proudly at all of the unconscious bodies laying down in front of him. Kaoru came, clapping her hands. "Yahiko, did you knock out all of these people yourself?'.  
  
Yahiko gulped. "Yes", he mumbled.  
  
"Good job!", she exclaimed.  
  
Yahiko looked mildly surprised. "But what happened to the Kamiya Kasshin style being to protect?".  
  
"Well, yes", she said offhandedly, "but all in my life of teaching, I've never seen anyone knock out more people in one hour as fast as you!".  
  
Yahiko whooped. "YEAH! Go me, go me, go me, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!".  
  
*back at the mansion*  
  
Sano was on his knees, wiping the floor meticulously. Megumi looked down at him, smiling smartly. 'Hmph', she thought, 'he deserves this'.  
  
Sano was not used to being on his knees actually doing- god forbid- WORK! Which is why he was really, really, really off today.  
  
Sano scrubbed the floor angrily, making sure every single crumb seeping with sneakiness and evil left this evil mansion full of evil women doctors who tortured poor, helpless, defenseless, pure men like himself. Her evil, dark, shadow stood behind him like a bad omen as he scrubbed, scraped, cleaned, cooked, and failed miserably to her meticulous demands.  
  
"You missed a spot", Megumi said, laughing jubilantly, pointing to a tiny eetsy beetsy crumb that Sano had overlooked. Grumbling, Sano scrubbed it up.  
  
While this was going on, a little boy found some hot corn inside the food stand in the big pretty mansion. Yes, the food stand. Eating it, some trickles of corn fell on the sparkly, pearly floor that showed his reflection. He continued walking absentmindedly, licking the corn with intense eagerness.  
  
Sano was still scrubbing, when all of a sudden, his nose began to twitch like a rat's with extreme dislike. His eyes were swirling with insaneness, and he said crazily, "Who's spilling on my floor? MY floor! That I take so much effort to keep clean?! WHO?! WHOOO?!". Megumi uncomfortably took a step back, staring at him, scared.  
  
'Maybe I overdid it', she thought. Then, mentally slapping Sano (never herself), she thought, 'Nah'.  
  
Sano was now crawling on all fours, still sniffing the air with a crazed look on his face. "Must...find...criminal", he said hungrily.  
  
Finally, he found himself smelling some stinky feet. The feet of a young boy. Sano slowly looked up into the eyes of a boy around Yahiko's age.  
  
He leapt to his feet, grabbing him by the collar. "KID!", he bellowed. "HOW DARE YOU BE SO...SO *UN* CLEAN! DO YOU REALIZE THAT EVERY SINGLE SPEC OF- OF- *EVIL* YOU DROP ONTO THIS FLOOR GIVES ME ANOTHER HOUR OF WORK?! DO YOU?! HUH?! DOOOOOO YOOOOUUUUU?!?!?!?!?!?!".  
  
Megumi sweatdropped.  
  
Er...we should leave Sano's precious meticulously clean over-obsessed floor before he finds us. Right. Anyways, it's now about time for Kaoru and Kenshin to go buy that gi!  
  
Kenshin and Kaoru strolled through the market, looking at the many choices of magenta gi's. Kaoru pulled Kenshin into a shop, where the clerks immediately began cheering and dancing at the prospect of a customer.  
  
"What would you like, sir, madam?", the owner said cheerfully.  
  
"A magenta gi, if you have one", Kaoru said politely.  
  
"Why, yes, yes we do!", he cried, and immediately, he bounded onto the stage and pulled out 50 different magenta gi's, each one degree different from each other, infact, only magenta obsessives could tell the difference.  
  
"Oh my!", Kenshin cried, tears filling his eyes. "So many choices!".  
  
Kaoru blinked. She couldn't see anything. Oh well.  
  
Kenshin was giggling with glee, bouncing up and down and inspecting each of the gi's carefully.  
  
"Well, let's see, this looks nice, no it's too light- what about this? No, too dark! Ooh, this one! No- it's too pink".  
  
Kaoru rolled her eyes.  
  
"This looks really good! Agh, no, major fashion no-no".  
  
Kaoru made a noise that sounded halfway between a snort or a sigh of pity.  
  
*two hours lata*  
  
"Miss Kaoru? Miss Kaoru? How does sessha look in *this* one?", Kensin asked, posing and spinning around for Kaoru, who was, needless to say, sick of magenta. But, hey, if Kenshin liked it-  
  
"You look wonderful, Kenshin", she murmured, trying not to fall asleep.  
  
"Really? But don't you think this makes sessha look mad?".  
  
"No, Kenshin, you look fine".  
  
"No, sessha thinks sessha should try another one", Kenshin bubbled, looking for another one.  
  
"You know what, Kenshin?", Kaoru said sweetly, anger building up. "I think this gi really says 'you', don't you?".  
  
"But-", Kenshin sputtered.  
  
"We'll pay for it", Kaoru said harshly.  
  
Dragging Kenshin out of the store, Kaoru grumbled to herself angrily, going to the Akabeko. Tae had revived from Yahiko's bokken, so service was in order. Tsubame hadn't been hit- Yahiko liked her too much. *AWW!*.  
  
Kaoru and Kenshin were surprised to find Sano there, not eating, but mumbling to himself, stirring his tea.  
  
"Hello Sano", Kaoru said cheerfully, sitting down opposite to him.  
  
"Hn", Sano replied.  
  
Kenshin pulled out his gi and put it in front of Sano, "See sessha's gi? Isn't it so prettyful?", he asked.  
  
"Hn".  
  
And that's how lunch went on. Questions and Hn's.  
  
Kenshin put down his chopsticks and looked concernedly at Sano. "Sano, what's wrong?", he asked gently.  
  
"Megumi is an evil, evil person", he mumbled.  
  
Both Kenshin and Kaoru fought very, very hard to keep straight faces.  
  
Hn. Well, catch ya lata! Remember, you only need to pay *one* review! So pay up!  
  
* Okay, everybody. Here are the credits:  
  
The phrase 'Go me, go me, go me, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh' belongs to medieval princess.  
  
Thanks to Eikou ( ) for the definition of sessha!  
  
Dictionary:  
  
bokken: stick used in the Kamiya Kasshin style  
  
katana: Japanese sword  
  
sake: alcoholic beverage  
  
sessha: way of addressing yourself, with connotations of extreme humbleness, like calling oneself unworthy.  
  
Remember, read and review! 


	3. Oily SakeDrinking Zits, Roasting Rooster...

* A/N's (grab some popcorn while I ramble on)  
  
1/ Wow. Those reviews came in fast! Anyways, thankies for every single one of them!  
  
2/ Notes: I know it looks like I hate Megumi. But I don't. I just find some parts of her personality to be annoying, plus seeing Sano being tortured is fun, and the only one to do the job would be Megumi. Plus, seeing Megumi evil is actually quite fun to write. Infact, I'm a happy-go- lucky Sano/Megumi fan. Yeah, dat's right.  
  
3/ I need ideas, ya'll. Even though my (coughcough) superior intellect is just rumbling with ideas, even I, the great authoressy, can run out of ideas. Just...make sure the ideas are all rated G. You know? And, just so ya'll know, if I get a lot of them, I won't use all of them.  
  
4/ The chapters may not come in very fast, so be patient. I've got like five other stories breathing down my neck. This chapter isn't that funny, actually.  
  
5/ No offense to anyone named Shinta. You'll see why later. Infact, I think it's a sweet name, but Hiko obviously didn't think so...  
  
6/ I know I suck at Japanese, so thanks to everybody who gave me the right definitions!  
  
Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is owned by some rich guy. I ain't some rich guy.  
  
Kenshin Meets Magenta  
  
Chapter 3: Oily sake-drinking zits, Roasting Roosters, and Lame Names  
  
Hello, welcome back! Let's sight-see some more of the lives of Rurouni Kenshin! It's the next day, and lil ole Yahiko has decided to *gasp* actually wake up *early* to practice some strokes!  
  
Yahiko yawned, feeling the rising sun's rays beat down on his face. Rubbing his nose carelessly, he froze when he felt a slight bump on it. Rubbing it half-heartedly, he shrugged and figured it was a mere figment of his imagination. In fact, it was quite fun rubbing the bump, it made a lot of squeaky musical notes. Yahiko rubbed it to a tune only he could hear, and began dancing to the tune of the bump on his nose! Then he began strokes, the squeaky bumpy tune still in his head.  
  
After a few hundred strokes, Yahiko, proud of himself, walked carelessly back into the dojo, where he intended to surprise Kaoru, who should've been waking up just now.  
  
"YAHIKO GET UP RIGHT NOW!", she yelled on instinct, and began trying to *ahem* cook breakfast.  
  
Yahiko, smiling ruefully, walked behind Kaoru slowly, tip-toeing as quiet as a mouse. He was about to scream, 'boo!', when Kaoru said, "I know you're behind me, Yahiko".  
  
Yahiko sweatdropped.  
  
"Now go get a bucket of water for breakfast", she demanded.  
  
Muttering curses under his breath, Yahiko walked to the well and pulled up the bucket with ease, still muttering. Looking down at his reflection in the water, he screamed.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".  
  
Everybody rushed to the scene, asking his repeatedly what he saw. Yahiko continued stuttering, just staring at the pail of water, trembling, pointing a finger at the reflection in absolute fear.  
  
Kaoru peered down, and began laughing her head off. "BUWAHAHAHAHA!!!", she cried. "Guess what, everybody? Yahiko's got a ZIT! A huge UGLY zit, right on his nose!".  
  
Everybody looked at each other for a few awkward moments.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!".  
  
"Hey everybody it isn't funny!", Yahiko yelled angrily.  
  
"You're right", Misao said. "It's beyond funny! It's hilarious!".  
  
And everybody began laughing maliciously like evil evil demons again.  
  
Yahiko glared at everybody, then began yelling, jumping up and down furiously,. "People this isn't funny! I've got a zit on my face that looks like a giant gumball of Kaoru's cooking!".  
  
But that just made everyone laugh harder.  
  
"AAARGH!", Yahiko screamed. "This isn't funny you guys! What if Tsubame sees me like this?!".  
  
Everybody paused for a bit. Then they began laughing like crazed maniacs (oh wait that's right, they *are* crazed maniacs!).  
  
"UGH! I'm serious you guys!".  
  
Kaoru bent down and grabbed his cheek in one hand and began pulling it, laughing. "Is our wittle Yahiko growing all up?", she asked in a cutchy- coo tone.  
  
"ARGH! Get your hands off my face! And quit saying that!", he yelled, wrenching himself free from Kaoru's grasp.  
  
And this endured on for a fair number of hours.  
  
After everyone finally left, Yahiko glared down at the bucket of water.  
  
It had oily evil little eyes and sharp oily evil teeth with oily-to- be evil minions ready to pop out! Oh, the horror!  
  
Yahiko snarled. Maybe he could scare it away.  
  
"Ragh! I'm mad!", he yelled, trying to get it to come off.  
  
"I'm REALLY mad! And when I'm mad, no ugly zits had better be there to get in my way!". He punched in his fist. "Cause then I'm just gonna have to beat them to a bloody -yet oily- pulp!".  
  
The zit stuck out it's tongue at him. Yahiko sweatdropped.  
  
"RAAAAAAAAGH! RAGH! ARAGH! ROAR!", he yelled, punching his chest like Tarzan, trying to act like a vicious lion.  
  
A little girl and her mother were passing by and saw Yahiko. "Look mommy, it's a zoo! Can I pet the ugly lion?", she asked.  
  
"Not now, sweetums", the mother said politely.  
  
Yahiko heard and spun around angrily, "Hey watch who you call ugly! C'mon! Face me!".  
  
The mother and child quickly walked past him.  
  
"Argh! C'mere!".  
  
He glared back at his reflection.. "This is all your fault!", he yelled at the zit. He splashed his reflection angrily.  
  
The zit didn't go away. It cackled merrily, baring its red long fangs coated in blood, and its evil yellow eyes widened in laughter, and it's skin was an *ugly* puce! It looked at Yahiko determinedly, and said happily, "See? Now Tsubame will *never* like you! You're too ugly!".  
  
"ARGH! Shaddup!", he yelled, pinching it.  
  
"OW!", it yelled. "Well, too bad", it said, smiling maliciously, "You can't get rid of me! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!".  
  
"Wanna bet?!", Yahiko asked, and quickly ran to the dojo, with a sudden idea.  
  
Yahiko ran to a box and pulled out a huge ice cube. "HA! Try to beat this, ugly!". And he pressed it to his nose.  
  
*one hour later*  
  
Yahiko peeled the ice cube, which, miraculously, didn't melt, and looked back at his reflection. He yelped. Now it was even bigger, and it was *pink!*.  
  
"NOO! Now it'll stick out more, the great ugly freakish pink thing!", he moaned.  
  
Punching his nose over and over again, just to make it feel pain, he moped around the dojo, sneezing often, then cursing his head off at someone named Mr.Zit.  
  
Yahiko suddenly snapped his fingers, an idea popping into his head. He ran to the kitchen and took out some of the *rice* Kaoru had made for breakfast. Sticking some in between his fingers, he pressed it gently. He snickered. Perfect, it worked just like household glue.  
  
Washing his hands quickly, he took a great glob of it and firmly pressed it onto his nose. "He he", he said evilly, "let's see if Mr. Zit can get through that!".  
  
Now, since all of you tourists have been so punctual with your reviews, you'll get an added bonus :to see through the eyes of Mr. Zit! (oooh!!)  
  
*In Mr. Zit's point of view*  
  
So there I was, lounging on the spiky kid's nose, sipping some sake and belching loudly. Ah, how much fun ruining kid's lives is. I just take my time, biding in with the good stuff, and STRIKE! I attack the kid, and, vuala, embarrassment central had landed on your nose!  
  
But, seriously, can't kid's appreciate me more? I mean, I *am* after all, a sign of puberty and a kid's growth into a man! But will they ever listen? Noooo! Will they ever give up trying to kill me? Noooo! I'm so under appreciated in this world! After this kid, I think I'll take a break and go to America. I heard Florida is a great vacation spot to meet all the lady zits!  
  
Drinking some more, I belch loudly again, rubbing my greasy oily tummy. I suddenly notice something funny and white coming towards me. Taking off my shades, I get off my chair and wave my arms at it, screaming, "NOOOOOOO!".  
  
But alas, the ugly white stuff goozes it's way down into my soul.  
  
"AAAAARGH!", I scream, trying to entangle myself from the gooey mess.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!", I scream.  
  
*back to the tour*  
  
"MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!", Yahiko screamed. See if the ugly moldy greasy dot on his nose could handle that! BUWAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
After a few hours, Yahiko (with much effort) pulled the gooey rice of his nose and inspected it in the well. It was gone. But Yahiko still screamed. Next to the spot where the big zit had been, there were FOUR OTHER ZITS!  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!", he screamed.  
  
Aiji walked to Yahiko and noticed him screaming.  
  
"That zit left company!", Yahiko wailed, pointing to his nose.  
  
Aiji stared, then began laughing.  
  
"This is serious!", he yelled. "I'm supposed to meet Tsubame at the Akabeko today! What will she say when I show her *this?!*", Yahiko wailed, pointing to his nose.  
  
Aiji stopped laughing. "This is serious", he mumbled.  
  
"Yeah, no duh!".  
  
"C'mon", Aiji said, putting an arm round Yahiko's shoulders and walking him. "We've got to see a professional".  
  
*at the hospital*  
  
Megumi leaned down to inspect another patient. When she was done treating him, she looked up, surprised, to see Yahiko and a young boy she had treated a few months ago due to uncontrollable acne.  
  
"Hello Aiji!", she said in a fake cheery voice. Yahiko was never good news.  
  
"Miss Megumi, Yahiko has acne".  
  
Megumi blinked, then turned to look at Yahiko's nose. She shrunk back, appalled.  
  
"Ewwwwwww", she said, pointing at his nose.  
  
Yahiko glared and covered his nose with his hands.  
  
"He needs some of that acne cream you gave me".  
  
Megumi put a finger to her chin. "All right!", she said happily. "But you won't be able to get it for a month!".  
  
"WHAAAAT?!", Yahiko screamed.  
  
"Well, you see", Megumi said in a happy-go-lucky voice, "it takes two weeks for the tea leaves to mature, and ten days for the marshmallow to settle, and then six other days for it all to melt an become a gooey, slippery mass of acne cream!".  
  
Yahiko could've died at the spot. In fact, he almost did.  
  
"I'm...choking!", he yelled, putting his arms around his neck, "I'm gonna die...need acne...cream...".  
  
Megumi laughed, "BUWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!".  
  
Aiji looked at her uncomfortably.  
  
Yahiko stopped choking himself and pretending someone else was choking him, and decided that he had come to desperate measures. "Please!", he begged. "There has to be *some* way of speeding up the process!".  
  
Megumi had long fangs protruding from her mouth. "No! MUWHAHAHAH!".  
  
Yahiko had a mere glimpse of Megumi's long fangs being covered in dark red blood, dripping, and wearing a demon outfit, red cape and triton and all. Lightning flashed around her evil face, and she laughed again, like the evil person she was.  
  
Yahiko fainted.  
  
Right. Okay, that was strange, was it not? Let's go back to the evil demon's- I mean- Miss. Megumi's home, where Sano is sleeping.  
  
Megumi walked into her huge pretty mansion, grinning happily for making another person's life horrible. Looking down, she saw filthy ole Sano sleeping like a baby. Rolling her eyes, she promptly kicked him with the sharp pointy and high heels of her blood red shoes.  
  
"OWWWWWWW!", Sanoske screamed.  
  
"Get up, Sano. You have to make dinner", she said promptly.  
  
"This early?", he mumbled, rubbing his thighs.  
  
"Yes", she said sharply. "I like eating dinner early".  
  
Muttering angrily under his breath and cursing heavily, Sanoske got up and went to the kitchen. He went to go open the big shiny pearly door to the heavenly kitchen, but he walked straight into it.  
  
"OII!!", he screamed, and began kicking and punching the door. "YOU STUPID DOOR! HOW DARE YOU HIT ME?!". But then the door just swung back and hit him firmly in the nose. Sano clenched and unclenched his fists. "Oh, so that's how it's gonna be?!", he roared, and began punching the door again and again, but it continued hitting him back, till Sano was on the floor, beat and worn out.  
  
Megumi sighed. 'Dumb Sano', she thought affectionately. Then she slapped her forehead. She must be tired to be thinking of Sano is a *humanly* manner. Wiping her forehead, she went upstairs on the beautiful glass staircase to her big bedroom with pretty curtains.  
  
Meanwhile, Sano got up and began to *ahem* cook. "Let's see, we need a tablespoon of salt, a lub of rice...what's a lub? Oh well, better put in as much as possible". He took the entire sack of rice and dropped it into the bowl. "Then, it says to add nine cups of water...where do I get water? Oh well, I think I can skip that. Okay, then we cook it over the fire. What fire? Guess I'll have to make one".  
  
He took out two twigs and began scratching it furiously.  
  
*two hours later, Sano's done with his so-called cooking*  
  
Sano touched the gloppy substance that he actually dared to call rice. He slowly turned the huge bowl over to drop it into two separate bowls. He blinked. It was stuck. "Hn, musta put too many lubs of baking soda", he said offhandedly. He took a wooden spoon and stuck it into the stuff, trying to pull some out. He tugged harder. Harder. Sweatdropping, he held onto the spoon with both hands and held the bowl down with his feet, pulling harder. "Come...OUT!", he yelled.  
  
Scratching his head, he shrugged simply and took the bowl with the wooden spoon and brought it to the dinner table.  
  
Megumi looked up and sniffed disgustedly. 'Ugh, he burned the rice', she thought.  
  
Sano came in, smiling profusely, proud of his quote on quote 'work'.  
  
"Alright!", he said happily, rubbing his hands together with happiness. "Dig in!", he yelled.  
  
Megumi looked at the gloopy substance in her bowl. It was an blue, a color which rice is definitely not intended to be. Sano had somehow been able to separate the junk.  
  
"So, what do you think?", Sano bubbled, digging in miraculously without the impulse to throw-up.  
  
Megumi, as evil as she may be, couldn't have the heart to break that smile. "Uh...it's...new", she said unsurely.  
  
When Sano was digging in, she threw hers to the plant, which, sadly, died choking a few seconds later.  
  
Megumi looked, afraid, at the plant. 'That's 20 more yen', she thought.  
  
Gasp! Megumi actually has a heart! Well, okay, the 20 more yen sorta destroyed that establishment, but anyways...Well, now we're going to go see an old broom we all know and *ahem* love!  
  
*...somewhere...*  
  
Chuu breathed raggedly. He escaped the jail. Goodies. Now all he had to do is catch rooster-head, stay outta Shishio's way, and roast the rooster. Chuu suddenly got a strange smile on his face. "Roast the rooster", he said gleefully. "I like that!". "Roast the rooster! Roast the rooster! Roast the rooster!".  
  
*in that same somewhere, an hour later*  
  
"ROAAAAAAAAAAAST!", Chuu yelled, his arms spread apart, bowing down with his accent dancers, "THEEEEEEEEEEEEE!", (in deep sopranos), "ROOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSTTTTEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". He bowed on his knees, accepting the red roses being thrown at him.  
  
Ahem. Okay. So, anyways, lovely Chuu the sword collector set on his way to find Sano and roast him!  
  
*an hour later at Megumi's*  
  
(Knock knock).  
  
"Get that Sano", Megumi said on instinct.  
  
Sano walked to the door and opened it. He looked at the figure with the hair like a blonde broom. He gritted his teeth. "You", he snarled.  
  
Chuu smiled smugly. "Me".  
  
Sano punched his fist. "So you want to finish up our fight, eh?".  
  
Chuu grinned, "Only if you still got the guts to challenge me".  
  
Megumi came in. "Sano, who's this?".  
  
Chuu blinked at her. She was so...so...beautiful!!! Hearts appeared in his eyes.  
  
Megumi blinked. "Oh, I get it! You brought another slave for me!".  
  
"What?", Sano asked, distracted. "No...no, just an old *friend*".  
  
"Well, c'mon in, my new slave!", Megumi said happily.  
  
Chuu followed her, like a robot.  
  
Sano turned around, surprised. Chuu was actually listening to her?  
  
Inside, Megumi immediately went down to business. "Okay, Chuu, you go mop the right side of the floor, Sano, you mop the left!". Clasping her hands together in joy, she went back upstairs to her bedroom.  
  
*two hours later, Sano and Chuu have cleaned the floor and are now in the middle, done with their portions*.  
  
"I'll clean the middle", Chuu said sweetly.  
  
"No, that's alright, I'll do that", Sano replied.  
  
"I'll do it!", Chuu snarled.  
  
"I will!", Sano yelled.  
  
"She wants *me* to do it!", Chuu roared.  
  
"ME!".  
  
"ME!".  
  
"ME!".  
  
"ME!".  
  
Sano glowered angrily. "I was here first", he sneered.  
  
"So were the Indians, look what happened to them!".  
  
Both blinked, thinking momentarily on who the heck were the Indians.  
  
"Plus", Chuu leered, "she enjoys bossing *me* around more!".  
  
"What?!", Sano yelled angrily. "That's a downright lie! She likes bossing me MORE!".  
  
Chuu snickered. "No it's not. I can tell- she enjoys bossing me more".  
  
"ME!".  
  
"ME!".  
  
"ME!"  
  
"ME!".  
  
"MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!".  
  
We'll leave now, shall we? This is quite embarrassing. Anyways, it's about time that Yahiko goes to meet Tsubame!  
  
*at the Akabeko*  
  
Yahiko breathed. He couldn't keep hiding from her any longer. If she really liked him, she wouldn't care about the zits! Right?  
  
Yahiko covered his nose with a loincloth and walked into the store where Tsubame had just finished washing the dishes.  
  
"Oh, Yahiko! I didn't think you'd make it! I thought you forgot", she said, giggling sweetly.  
  
"Sorry for keeping you waiting", Yahiko mumbled through the loincloth.  
  
"It's aright. What's that on your nose?".  
  
"Uh- it's a cloth", Yahiko said slowly.  
  
"I can tell. What for?".  
  
"Um".  
  
"What um?".  
  
"Well, you see".  
  
"No I don't".  
  
"Okay- well, I- sorta- I".  
  
"Yahiko tell me!".  
  
"I-I", he stuttered. 'Okay, Yahiko, just tell her. What's the worst that can happen?'. Determinedly not thinking about that, he said firmly, "I have------". He couldn't say it.  
  
"Argh! If you don't tell me Yahiko I'll pull off that loincloth myself!".  
  
People in the restaurant glanced at the kitchen door awkwardly.  
  
"I-I- I have z-Argh! Tsubame no!".  
  
For she had just pulled it off and was staring at his nose in surprise.  
  
"Ewwwwww!", she exclaimed, pointing to his nose.  
  
Yahiko breathed, blushing. "I suppose you hate me now", he mumbled.  
  
Tsubame softened. "No, Yahiko!".  
  
"What?".  
  
"Sure your zits are- er- appalling, but I like you because of who you are, Yahiko!".  
  
Yahiko blushed when Tsubame hugged him.  
  
Everybody said "Aww".  
  
"So- so you don't hate me?", he asked, awkwardly hugging her back.  
  
"No! Now let's take a walk!".  
  
Yahiko smiled. "Okay!".  
  
And they left the Akabeko amidst cheering.  
  
When they were outside, Tsubame asked Yahiko, "Eh, Yahiko?",  
  
"Yeah?".  
  
"Your zits aren't* contagious* are they?".  
  
"...no...", he replied, though he honestly didn't know, but prayed they weren't.  
  
"Oh, good", she replied, relieved.  
  
*back at the dojo*  
  
Kenshin scrubbed the laundry meticulously. Scrubbing laundry was fun. It made him feel peaceful and happyful and reminded him of the best day of his life, when he first discovered magenta!  
  
He sat up abruptly when he heard footsteps. His ears perked, and he looked up, alert. A tall figure with a huge red and white cape billowing in the wind walked up to him. He fell over.  
  
"Master?", he asked, awed.  
  
"Hello Kenshin".  
  
"Master? Why are you here?".  
  
"That's the greeting I get from my stupid old apprentice, is it? You act like if I come it means bad news".  
  
"Well, actually", Kenshin said slowly, thinking of what his master did to him.  
  
"Well. Anyways, I decided I should tell you that you are a stupid person who is full of himself and selfish and needs a life and has no heart whatsoever".  
  
Kenshin sweatdropped. " Oro? *That's* why you came here?", he asked.  
  
"Yep".  
  
"Master, you are very strange".  
  
"I'm not the one washing laundry like a maid".  
  
Kenshin glared. "HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY LAUNDRY?!".  
  
Hiko just rolled his eyes. "What a goof", he muttered.  
  
"MY LAUNDRY! STAY AWAY FROM MY LAUNDRY, AND YOU WILL NOT BE HURT!".  
  
"Baka".  
  
"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME THAT- YOU- YOU...NAME-CALLER!".  
  
"Baka baka baka! baka baka baka! Kenshin is a baka!", Hiko yelled.  
  
"You- you! I never liked you!", Kenshin yelled.  
  
"Baka baka baka!".  
  
"You were so mean to me- and your training was worse than Yahiko's zits, and you are so selfish and you have no heart and you are mean and cruel and unkind and anti-social- and- and I LIKED THE NAME SHINTA!".  
  
Hiko stuck his tongue out and made a face. "Shinta's a lame name, boring, like you!".  
  
Kenshin gasped. "HOW- HOW- *DARE* YOU?!".  
  
Kaoru came in happily, bringing in her newest creation! A cake!  
  
"Who wants cake?", she asked happily, showing it to the two men. They turned around slowly and looked at the cake.  
  
It was an unearthly gray, moldy and covered in a strange yellow cream that looked strangely toxic. Kaoru was smiling like she had just created a masterpiece.  
  
"EWWW!", the two men cried.  
  
Kaoru glared, and got ready for action-  
  
SMACK!  
  
The two men gagged when the cake slapped their faces. They bent down, scratching it off their faces, screaming in indescribable agony.  
  
"Hmph", Kaoru hmphed, and walked way, apparently pleased. But what a waste of cake.  
  
Yahiko and Tsubame were turning the corner when they saw Kaoru throw the cake at Kenshin and Hiko.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHA!", he yelled, pointing at them, laughing like a maniac.  
  
The two of them looked at Yahiko angrily, and reading each other's mind, scraped the cake off their faces and-  
  
WHAM!  
  
"AARGH! Get it off me!", Yahiko cried.  
  
Tsubame laughed.  
  
"I'm serious! ARGH! KENSHIN! TALL GUY! I'm gonna KILL you two!".  
  
And he began throwing the cake at them, them ducking and failing miserably at dodging the cake.  
  
"RABID CAKE ON THE LOOSE!", Tsubame cried.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOO! Get! It! Off! ME!".  
  
Yahiko pulled a huge glump off his nose, but didn't feel the familiar feel of four bumps. "Wha- OH MY GOSH! THE UGLY OILY ZITS WITH UGLY OILY TEETH AND UGLY OILY STOMACHS ARE GONE! KAORU FINALLY MADE SOMETIHNG WORTH MY BREATH- ANTI-ACNE CREAM!".  
  
And he did a jig in delight, praising Kaoru's horrible cooking, before getting splashed on the butt with cake.  
  
Well, that's it for today! Remember, only one review is needed for pay! Send me ideas! Buh-bye now!  
  
oro: Kenshin's way of showing profound surprise  
  
bokken: wooden swords used in training  
  
baka: idiot! 


	4. Magenta Missing, Yahiko, Hula Dancing, a...

*cowers fearfully) I know, I know, it's been nearly a millennium since I've last written-but-but- IT WASN'T MY FAULT! See, since Toonami decided to take Rurouni Kenshin off the weekday timings and instead put it on Saturdays at the most *convenient* time, 8:30 PM smiles a horribly fake smile) I've been missing the past two weeks episodes!!!! I've completely lost motivation, but since I watched today's, it gave me a little motivation, though today's episode was most definitely not G. Anyways....Hopefully, I swear by my empty can of Diet Coke, I will try to update faster. Hopefully, I will also get to using all of your ideas, along with some of my own. But, the downside is that even though I've been taking a long time for this chapter, the price it *still* one review!*  
  
Welcome back to this tour of Rurouni Kenshin! We will cut to the chase, the next day, where our buddy Kenshin who likes the name Shinta is washing laundry- again. That guy just can't get enough of laundry!  
  
Kenshin hummed to himself softly, scrubbing his magenta gi merrily. Oh, how he loved his gi. It was his pride and joy. Unfortunately his master enjoyed taunting his pride and joy.  
  
(flashback, ya'll!)  
  
"Magenta?", Hiko laughed. "What kind of an idiot likes magenta?!".  
  
"Don't insult my magenta gi!", Kenshin yelled, hugging his gi close.  
  
(flashback ends, ya'll!)  
  
Kenshin shuddered at the memory. He had an evil master, an anti- social, disruptive, inconsiderate, rebellious, harmful, selfish dirk! Oh, how he defied him. But that wasn't what he disliked most about him. The worst thing about him was that-  
  
(flashback again!)  
  
"I hate the color magenta", Hiko muttered.  
  
(flashback ends! Again!)  
  
What kind of a ferocious monster hated the color magenta?! How can someone be so evil, selfish and rude at the same time! Hiko was an insult to humanity! Anyone who hated his precious magenta was marked his enemy.  
  
And yet, some indescribable, strange, zany part of him actually *cared* for Hiko. He shuddered involuntarily at the thought. He didn't like admitting it to himself, after all, it *was* an insult to his magenta.  
  
So Kenshin continued merrily scrubbing his ever loved magenta gi while Kaoru began cooking breakfast in the dojo.  
  
*in the dojo (that was so easy to figure out, wasn't it?)*  
  
Kaoru put a finger to her chin in thought. Should she add sugar or vinegar to the rice? Sugar? Or vinegar? Sugar? Or vinegar? Suddenly she clasped her hands together in delight, and poured the entire bottle of vinegar into the now mutilated rice.  
  
Stirring it joyfully, she put a finger into it and put the finger into her mouth.  
  
"Perfecto!", she exclaimed, and took the steaming bowl of what would be an insult to be called rice, and brought it to the table, where Yahiko, Ayame, and Suzume were waiting eagerly for breakfast.  
  
Well, actually, they were moaning and grumbling about how dreadful last night's dinner was. They backed away with fear embedded into their eyes when Kaoru brought the steaming pot of...stuff.  
  
Wrinkling his nose, Yahiko yelled out, "What kind of stuff is this?! It smells like a cross between vinegar and peanut butter!".  
  
Kaoru glared. "Is that what I get for reducting most agonizing embarrassment that has been inflicted upon your soon-to-be short life yesterday?!".  
  
Yahiko recalled the cake and the zits, then fell silent, chewing his rice.  
  
"HA! HA! YOU CAN'T INSULT ME NOW!!!!", Kaoru said triumphantly.  
  
Yahiko's eyes for a brief moment turned an evil red. But hen he went back to calmly chewing his food. He continued chewing his food for the next five minutes.  
  
"Okay, is this rubber?!", he asked angrily.  
  
"No", Kaoru sniffed. "It's actually a gourmet recipe I found that has been passed down generation by generation!".  
  
"So you inherited this bad cooking thing?", Yahiko whispered under his breath.  
  
Kaoru ignored him, going on. "Of course, we don't really have all those things, so I had to make a few minor substitutes!". She beamed.  
  
"Minor, she says", Yahiko muttered, holding up the gooey red stuff.  
  
"Ahem, ahem!", Kaoru said loudly.  
  
"No insulting my cooking!".  
  
"Or else what?".  
  
"Or else..............hmmm......or else you don't eat ever again!".  
  
"WHAT?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME, YOU OLD HAG! I'M YOUR STUDENT! WHAT KIND OF A DUMB GIRL STARVES HER OWN STUDENT?!".  
  
"I do!", Kaoru said gleefully.  
  
"Well....well... WHO CARES, I'M BETTER OFF WIHTOUT YOUR COOKING ANYWAYS!".  
  
"Yahiko! If you insult my cooking one more time- I will ensure that you never learn kenjutsu again!".  
  
"WHAT?!".  
  
You know what? I think we should go back and check what's going on at Megumi's.  
  
Sano snored peacefully, his leg kicking the wall next to him. Which made him swear loudly, then fall back asleep. Sleep. So peaceful. So warm and inviting. So-  
  
"GET UP AND MAKE ME BREAKFAST!".  
  
Sano grumbled and got up. Then, thinking the better of it, fell back down.  
  
"Eye- eye, Ms. Megumi Your Highness!", a cheery and hill-billy voice shouted.  
  
Grr. That dumb Chuu again. Well, Sano wasn't just about to let some hill- billy-sword-collecting-jailed-bum beat him! No-siree!  
  
With great difficulty, Sano somehow managed to heave his body off the ground and make it to the kitchen. Sano, rubbing his eyes, looked up to see a broom cooking.  
  
Sano rubbed his eyes.  
  
Oh. Just him.  
  
Then something began to dawn upon him: Chuu was cooking. For Megumi.  
  
How dare he, the puffed up, power-crazy, dumb broomhead! How dare he cook breakfast for Megumi the evil fox lady when it was *clearly* Sano who was assigned to do that task! How DARE he?!  
  
Sano pulled up his sleeves, grred, and walked with his back straight, to Chuu, who was singing a poem.  
  
"Roses are red  
  
Violets are blue  
  
But none of them  
  
Can express my love for you  
  
Oh, how dearly I love  
  
Your beautiful fox head".  
  
Sano blinked. Fox head? Megumi?! HOW DARE HE?!  
  
Chuu continued on, merrily stirring the bowl.  
  
"How I adore you  
  
Words cannot express my head  
  
My love for you is a whirl  
  
Megumi, my evil, torturing girl".  
  
"WHAAAAAAAAATTTTT?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!", Sano yelled.  
  
HOW DARE HE BE IN LOVE WITH MEGUMI WHEN *clearly* clearly....clearly...Sano scratched his nose. Clearly what?  
  
Ah, who cares?! The point was, Chuu was helplessly in love with Megumi! Sano just couldn't let that go on!  
  
Ready to give Chuu a big punch in the nose, Sano froze when he heard a scream come from upstairs.  
  
"I WANT BREAKFAST NOW! IF I DON'T GET MY BREAKFAST NOOOWWWW, I WILL MAKE SURE THE TWO OF YOU SUFFER A MOST PAINFUL DEATH FULL OF SORROW AND MISERY! YOU WIL ALL DIE LAUGHING- BECAUSE YOU WILL BE INSANE WITH THE TORTURE I WILL INFLICT UPON YOU! NOW! GIVE ME BREAKFAST!".  
  
Sano, with much effort, managed out a, "Guess we have to work together, huh Chuu?". It took him every molecule and atom of his soul to work up the courage to not be disgusted and treat Chuu like a human being who didn't write corny poems about evil women with evil lives and evil tranquilizers and evil statues of foxes inside her evil mansion that was full of evil crumbs dirtying his beautiful, precious floor.  
  
And Chuu and Sano, for the sake of Megumi, and their sanity (though they'd probably lose it by breakfast anyway) actually began *GASP* working together.  
  
Let's give a round of applause to these two men for setting aside their differences and working together to make breakfast!  
  
(silence)  
  
Or not.  
  
*at the dojo*  
  
Hiko walked into the dojo, looking for Kenshin.  
  
"Hey, lady?", he asked Kaoru. "You see any short selfish men with red hair and a cross-shaped scar on his cheek?".  
  
"Well", Kaoru said, thinking about it. "No, I haven't seen any short selfish men with red hair and a cross-shaped scar on his cheek, but I *have* seen a man with red hair and a cross-shaped scar on his cheek!".  
  
Hiko sighed. "Wrong person, sorry".  
  
Walking outside, he found Kenshin hanging laundry up to dry.  
  
"Kenshin".  
  
"Master".  
  
"So".  
  
Kenshin bent down to get his lovely new magenta gi out of the basket when he blinked.  
  
"My...my gi...", he whispered.  
  
"Kenshin?", Hiko asked, worried for his sanity.  
  
"Where's my gi?! MY GI! GOOD GRACIOUS SAY IT ISN'T SO!!!!!".  
  
"What happened to your dumb gi?!".  
  
Kenshin's eyes went Battousai. "Don't you dare insult my gi".  
  
Hiko stared at Kenshin, sure he had lost it.  
  
"Where is my gi! I don't understand! It was right here- just a few seconds ago- where'd it GO!".  
  
"WHERE'S MY GI?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!".  
  
"Kenshin! Shutup, baka deshi!".  
  
"YOU!", Kenshin roared, pointing an accusing finger at Hiko.  
  
"You took my gi- I know you did! You stole it! YOU STOLE IT!!!!", he screamed, a crazed look surrounding his now amber eyes.  
  
"Kenshin!", Kaoru yelled, running out with Yahiko. "What's wrong!".  
  
"MY GI!", he screamed. "HE TOOK MY BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL, DAZZLING GI!".  
  
"Now Kenshin- I'm sure the nice man didn't take-".  
  
"HE TOOK IT! HE TOOK IT! I KNOW HE DID! HE WAS INSLUTING ALL DAY YESTERDAY! I KNOW IT!".  
  
Hiko backed up. "I didn't take your stupid gi, baka deshi! Why the heck would I want that dumb cloth?!".  
  
"DON'T INSULT MY GI!!!!!!!", Kenshin screamed, slightly unsheathing his sword.  
  
Hiko's eyes popped out of his sockets. The man was insane. He was a selfish, stupid apprentice, insane, gi-obsessed man.  
  
"You're....you're mad! I didn't take your dumb pink gi!".  
  
"MY GI ISN'T PINK! IT'S MAGENTA! MAGENTA, I SAY!".  
  
Hiko took a step back. He had fully doubted there'd ever be a day he'd be afraid of his stupid old apprentice, but he was dead wrong...  
  
"Give me my magenta", Battousai said cruelly, "and no one gets hurt!".  
  
"I don't have your gi!", Hiko yelled.  
  
"AHA!", Battousai yelled, pointing an accusing finger. "Just like when you said you didn't have my teddy bear!".  
  
Hiko sweatdropped.  
  
"I loved that teddy bear, and you took that away from me! Well, you won't take away my magenta! Now give it to me!", Battousai cried.  
  
Hiko took a few steps backwards. "Now Kenshin. Why would I want your magenta gi?".  
  
"Because...because...because you're just a cruel , selfish, anti-social jerk!".  
  
"I DON'T HAVE THE STINKIN GI!".  
  
Kenshin breathed. " YES YOU DO, YOU LIAR! YOU ARE A LIAR! A LIAR! A LIAAAARRRR!!!!!".  
  
Yahiko silently tip toed his way behind Kenshin.  
  
"GIVE ME MY GORGEOUS GI!!!".  
  
"I DON'T HAVE YOUR UGLY GI!".  
  
"GORGEOUS!".  
  
"UGLY!".  
  
"GORGEOUS!".  
  
'UGLY!".  
  
"GOR--------------------".  
  
'UG- Kenshin? Kenshin? Hey, why is Kenshin on the floor?".  
  
Yahiko whistled innocently.  
  
"Kenshin? Yoo-hoo?".  
  
Yahiko's whistling becomes strained.  
  
"Miss, do *you* know why Kenshin's on the floor like a wax dummy?".  
  
Now Yahiko's whistling is merely Yahiko blowing his cheeks till they turn red.  
  
"No idea whatsoever", Kaoru said, pulling Yahiko's cheeks.  
  
*Megumi's mansion*  
  
Chuu and Sano brought the steaming pots to the table, smiling at Megumi, who was looking ticked off, tapping her foot impatiently.  
  
She looked at the food. At least it *looked* right. She slowly nibbled a bit of it. Wrinkling her nose, she rose, and said, "THIS IS ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL!". Hearts were residing in her eyes, she clasped her hands together, and began doing a jig in delight.  
  
Chuu smirked. "It's *my* cooking. I'm a great cook ,you see. The ladies are crazy for me".  
  
Sano grred.  
  
*Saitou's in da house*  
  
Saitou glared at the dojo, his eyes narrowed in intense instinctiveness. He wriggled his nose. He looked slowly behind him. Then, making sure the coast was clear, he put on a pure, giddy smile.  
  
"OOH LA LAAAAA!", he yelled.  
  
His eyes were no longer all tiny and scrunched up, they were now BIG and WIDE and GREEN. His smile was huge covering his entire face, which made him look oddly like an evil clown due to his- er- strange- face carving.  
  
"YO-O-O-O-O-WZAAAS!", he cried in a hippie accent, dancing to some hula music.  
  
"And- Cha cha cha cha cha CHA! Cha cha cha cha cha cha CHA! Cha cha cha cha cha CHA!", he cried in a strange, child-like voice, wearing a hula skirt with a bikini and all.  
  
Okay....this is rather disturbing... Hey, look! A visitor!  
  
A woman with a round, caring face, now looked like a vicious tiger, her hands clutching a costume bearing the words Aku Zoku Zan.  
  
"LOOK AT THIS!", she shrieked, shaking the outfit in front of his scared, confused face. "LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO IT! I SPEND ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT CLEANING YOUR SHINSENGUMI GI'S AND *EVERY* TIME, YOU COME BACK WITH ****THIS**** ON IT!!!!". She was pointing to a large red stain covering the white part of the cloth.  
  
"B-but- Tokio-", Saitou sputtered.  
  
"How many times do I have to tell you not to spill tomato juice on it! HOW MANY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!", she screamed to a terrified Saitou who looked like a ten-year-old about to receive ten lashings.  
  
"B-but- I like tomato juice!".  
  
"I DON'T CARRRRREEE! IS THIS THE FACE OF SOMEONE WHO CARES?!", she screamed, shaking the cloth.  
  
Saitou whimpered.  
  
"And take off those ridiculous clothes and wear something proper! Do you want everybody to see you like this?!".  
  
"But I like hula dancing!".  
  
"I don't care!".  
  
Saitou bowed his head and submitted, "Yes maam".  
  
"Good!".  
  
*Kenshin's revived*  
  
Kenshin walked into the dojo, his eyes still narrowed for being stuck like that too long. He was going to ensure that the **** ********** ********* ****** who stole his gi was going ****** ******** ****** down!  
  
(A/N: Don't bother figuring out what the stars stand for. I just put a bunch of stars)  
  
Who could be so evil and cruel and vile and nasty and horrible and revolting and disgusting ad obnoxious and be such a stealer and an inhumane human! How could they steal his beautiful, pampered, lovely gi! HOW COULD THEY!  
  
He knew how. It's because their name was HIKO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
He unsheathed his sword, flipping it over. "Hiko will pay for my gi. I will make sure of it".  
  
Then he did a little victory dance in delight.  
  
I think Kenshin's actually SERIOUS about killing Hiko! UH-OH!!!!!  
  
*back at the dojo*  
  
"And your hair's a totally horrible style- what kind of dweeb spikes up his hair like that? And your gi is such a revolting yellow- it's a wonder I'm not throwing up now! And-". Kaoru put a finger to her chin in strained thought, still watching Yahiko's face bottle up in red as he swung the bokken.  
  
"And your voice is so putrid and annoying- it haunts my nightmares- you have to make your strokes more straight, Yahiko, it's almost like you're out of focus!". She giggled in delight. "And you have a lame fashion sense- who wears that?- a little softer, Yahiko, you're not trying to behead your opponent- and your face looks like a pig's that's been taught to talk, and when you blush you look like old radishes!".  
  
Yahiko growled. This had gone- TOO FAR!  
  
"Oh- and Yahiko, I've told every kenjutsu teacher in Japan not to train you at all!", Kaoru said in a happy-go lucky voice.  
  
But there wasn't much else he could do about it.  
  
"You know, Yahiko, I'm glad we've reached this mutual agreement- I mean, that is to say, if you were under free will, you'd probably be trying to beat me up!". She laughed derisively. "But, unfortunately, you can't, because I'm the only one who's gonna teach you anything! HAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!".  
  
* back at Megumi's mansion*  
  
"La la la la la", Megumi sang, still hopping around with joy from Chuu's cooking, actually CLEANING! So that gave Sano and Chuu a break, so they went back to sleep, snoring the day away.  
  
Megumi was dusting everything, humming merrily, when she noticed a large shadow behind her, lurking.  
  
Violins immediately began laying fast, the sound of lightning cracking, and all of the sudden it was night time was enough to ruin Megumi's joyful mood.  
  
"Hey- where's that music coming from? And why's there a storm out there- it's totally clear! And why's it night all of the sudden?".  
  
The music was playing even faster, and she felt a chill as she saw the giant shadow lurking behind her.  
  
"Stop the music!", she screamed, and whirled around, screaming in horror.  
  
"It's---it's----it's----", she couldn't get it out.  
  
At the sound of all of the violins, Sano and Chuu ran out.  
  
"Megumi! What's that?", Sano asked.  
  
Chuu sniffed it, then made a face. "Whatever it is, it stinks".  
  
"It's----it's----it's----".  
  
Chuu sniffed it again. "Hey- it smells like the rooster head's cooking".  
  
"Watch out!", Sano warned.  
  
"No really, it does".  
  
Sano sniffed the thing. "Wait- you're right".  
  
"It's----it's the plant!", Megumi gasped. "I gave the plant that food- and now it's-now it's-".  
  
"It's come back for revenge", the giant plant roared.  
  
Wow! Well, we'll leave on this oh so *scary* cliffhanger! The price for this trip is one review- remember!  
  
gi: the cloth Kenshin wears on the top chest part  
  
kenjutsu: swordsmanship  
  
baka deshi: stupid apprentice  
  
Aku Zoku Zan: The Shinsengumi motto. Kill Evil Swiftly. Catchy, ne?  
  
bokken: a bamboo sword used in training 


	5. Ralphie, Hiko's Secret, Saitou's Dumped,...

A/N's:  
  
1/ Yes, I KNOW it's been a while...yet again...But, the good thing is, I get to see Rurouni Kenshin today! WOOHOO!  
  
2/ I've been on vacation at Florida, and I just about wore my feet to death. Infact, I may make a funeral for them. They almost died. So that's why it's taken a little longer.  
  
3/ I WILL hopefully get to all of your ideas. Don't feel down cause I haven't used yours yet- it just probably means it's too big to come in right now at the moment.  
  
4/ Anything in // // is the person's thoughts.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. Do you need someone to kick it into you? I'm more than willing to.  
  
We left off last time where the big scary mutated-by-Sano's-putrid- cooking plant was about to devour everything into oblivion! Watch this incredible scenario! You can almost *smell* Sano's cooking! (EWWW!) You can almost *hear* the intense rush of violins playing swiftly as the plant reaches in to attack! (Da-da-da-da-da-DUN! Da-da-da-da-da-da-DUN! Da-da-da- da-da-da-da-DUN- Daaa da da da da DUN! (repeat)) Feel the thrill! The excitement!  
  
"Mega-anti-Sano-attack!", screamed the plant, and lurching back, it came forward, like a catapult, and released some gooey substance that looked horribly like Sano's cooking- only expired!  
  
"AAAAAH!", everyone screamed, as they were splattered with goo.  
  
"MY EYES!", Chuu cried, scraping his eyelids. "THEY BUUURN!".  
  
"YOU WILL NOT HURT US", said a harsh, loud voice, issuing from Megumi.  
  
"Eh?", Sano asked, looking bewilderingly at Megumi, then made a complete face fault.  
  
Her skin was, if possible, even paler than before, a strange paper-white white, making her dark hair contrast greatly with her skin. Great, red fangs replaced her canine teeth, drooping and oozing red blood. Her purple and pink kimono was replaced with a blood red one, and she held with her right hand a black triton from which great bursts of blue lightning were crackling out. Pointy fox ears were coming out of her head, and she even sported a bushy tail, along with complementary splashes of Sano's expired cooking.  
  
He rubbed his eyes. Nope. Still Megumi the fox-vampire.  
  
"What?!", the plant cried. "What is this?!".  
  
"Alas!", cried Chuu. "I am in love with the undead!". He fell to his knees and raised his palms to the ceiling. "Oh, how fate has deceived me!".  
  
"YOU WILL LEAVE IN SILENCE. YOU WILL NOT HURT ME. YOU, MAY, HOWEVER, DO WHATEVER YOU WISH WITH SANOSUKE".  
  
"Hey, that's not fair, fox!".  
  
"SILENCE!".  
  
Sano whimpered.  
  
"NOW, ME AND MY ARMY OF FOXES SHALL HUNT YOU DOWN!". Megdracula cried, and from behind her, hundreds of vicious foxes, of many colors, stepped forward.  
  
The plant shriveled back, and made a hiccup, turning around and hopping as fast as it could in it's porcelain pot as the foxes chased after him.  
  
Sano sighed in relief.  
  
Then, the plant turned around, and hopped it's way quickly back to them, the foxes still on his tail.  
  
"You said you would permit me to do whatever I wish with Sanosuke".  
  
"AND I KEEP MY PROMISES", Megdracula said.  
  
"WHAAAAAAAT?!", Sanosuke screamed.  
  
"I DO NOT CARE FOR THE ROOSTER HEAD-".  
  
"That hurts", Sano whined.  
  
"SILENCE! BUT YOU MUST RETURN HIM TO ME WITHIN A WEEK. HE HAS TO PAY OFF HIS DEBTS OF-". She counted on her fingers. "A THOUSAND YEN".  
  
"What?! I don't owe you a thousand-".  
  
"SILENCE!", Megdracula roared, pointing her pointy triton at Sano.  
  
"Y-you know I don't do well under p-pointy things-".  
  
"TAKE HIM".  
  
"I understand", said the plant, bowing down, and, picking up Sano through it's mottly gray vines, began hopping it's way, the foxes chewing his bottom.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MEEEEEGUUUUUUUMIIIIIIII!!!", Sano screamed.  
  
The night turned back into day, and Megumi went back to her normal attire.  
  
She took one look at Chuu, who was still mourning about how a horrible world it was.  
  
"Well don't just stand there, give me lunch!".  
  
So I suppose that means Yahiko's vision after the no-acne incident wasn't fake, huh? Well, now that we're done with that little scenario...we'll head off to the dojo, where Kenshin is just about ready to tear his master to shrivelly little pieces.  
  
Kenshin put his hand on his hilt, walking in the most manly position he could achieve with his arm like that and him being so short. Which wasn't much, mind you.  
  
"Hiko...", he breathed heavily. "You will pay...for stealing my beloved magenta gi...That gi was the thing that inspired my soul, my love, my inspiration, my hopes, my DREAMS! But you just *couldn't* be kind and leave it alone- oh no, you chose the dark path- and made the biggest mistake of your soon-to-be short life....even worse than changing my name...MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!".  
  
And I thought Megumi was the only one to laugh like that.  
  
His crazed purple eyes were spiraling round and round- so fast they looked blurred, as he searched intensely for Hiko.  
  
"Oh yes...", he laughed maniacally, "you shall feel pain for hurting my beloved magenta...".  
  
*Tokio's still yellin her head off at Saitou*  
  
Well, as you can very well see what is written above between the asterisks, Tokio is still ranting and raving at our *ahem* beloved Saitou.  
  
"And would you *look* at that disgusting blue uniform! Honestly, the policemen should check up on their fashion statements, blue went out in the early 1800's- the in color is yellow now!".  
  
"Yellow?".  
  
"Yes! Yellow!", she exclaimed joyfully, holding up a yellow uniform.  
  
"You don't expect me to wear that, do you?".  
  
"Yes".  
  
"No".  
  
"Yes".  
  
"No".  
  
"YES!".  
  
"No".  
  
"SAITOU, YOU ARE GONNA WEAR THIS- AND YOU ARE GONNA LIKE IT!".  
  
"Yes ma'am", Saitou said meekly.  
  
Leaving the dojo, wearing a ridiculously embarrassing banana yellow outfit, followed by his joyful wife, he tried to cover his face with his katana- which obviously didn't work out right. Slowly, he tried to avoid any faces as he was leaving, but he cursed the strangely colored fox next to him when a far-too-annoying voice called out to him.  
  
"Oi! Saitou! Who's that standing next to you?".  
  
"My wife, Tokio", Saitou said in a drawling voice.  
  
Misao's face turned very red. //Oh, so *this* is Saitou's wife we all heard about! What a patient woman, she must be extremely strong and patient to have to withstand to Saitou's excessively annoying and boring and brutal care! Oh- what if she's being abused! Poor thing- Saitou- you will pay for what you did to her!//  
  
When she was just about to shoot her spikes, she blinked when Tokio began ranting and raving.  
  
"SAITOU! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT FOX?! DO YOU HAVE NO KINDNESS AND DECENCY?! IT'S A LIVING, BREATHING ANIMAL! WHAT DID IT DO TO YOU! STOP CHOKING IT! NOW!".  
  
"Yes maam", Saitou said, gently putting the fox down to the ground and patting it on the head with intense willpower to not crush it.  
  
Misao let out the breath she had been holding-  
  
"Oh, hello dear, you must be Misao", Tokio said kindly.  
  
And laughed.  
  
"SAITOU WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT HER LIKE YOU WANT TO KILL HER?!".  
  
"No reason whatsoever".  
  
*Kenshin's gone off da hook, if ya know what I mean*  
  
"Heeheeeheeeheeheeheeee!!!!!". Kenshin was walking amidst the dojo's yard, searching relentlessly for his numero uno foe.  
  
"HIKO!", he roared, his eyes glowing amber in delight.  
  
Hiko sweatdropped. //I'm gonna die soon//  
  
"So. It has come to this at last", Hiko said bravely.  
  
"Yes. Indeed it has".  
  
A crowd gathered around the two, watching fearfully. You could actually *feel* the crowd holding their breath along with you. (Help! Need...oxygen...).  
  
"So. Without further ado, let the battle begin!", Battousai roared.  
  
He jumped up into the air, gliding gracefully, swiftly pulling out his sword.  
  
Hiko's eyes narrowed. //It's on the wrong side! No, I mean, it's on the right side! No- I mean- I mean- I mean HE'S GONNA KILL ME!!!!!// And he mentally burst into tears.  
  
"Amakakeru Ryuu No Hiromeki- Eradication of Hiko Style!!!!!!!".  
  
The crowd gasped. (Ahh...good ole oxygen)  
  
"Kenshin I'm sorry!".  
  
Kenshin stopped in mid pose, which left him looking really weird, floating in the air like that.  
  
Suddenly, they were in a dark room, the crowd screaming and all. Hiko lighted some candles, flickering light among the soft mahogany wood. He was wearing a tattered brown leather cloth, and had a strange, dazed look across his face.  
  
Whoa. That was a surprise. Hiko apologizing. I would've expected him to rather die than do that.  
  
Kenshin blinked. Still in the air, he wondered.//Hiko's uncharacteristically...sober-like?//  
  
"Kenshin....", he murmured.  
  
He spread his arms out wide. "It is indeed a dark world, swirling with sadness and despair. Oh, how horrible this vapid all of rock we call earth betrays me so". He put a hand to his chest.  
  
Kenshin: //HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! This is HILARIOUS! Ahem. Sorry. Back to Battousai mood// And with that, his purple eyes glowed against the darkness.  
  
"It is time that I tell you the truth, Kenshin. Sit down. Or just keep floating in the air".  
  
Kenshin, surprised, continued floating.  
  
"I shouldn't have taken your name away, Kenshin", he continued in that same, mystical voice. "It was all you had left from your childhood, besides the memories. But Shinta was just too sweet for a manslayer. D'you think people would take you seriously as a killer with a name like that?! And so, for that, I am sorry".  
  
"I shouldn't call you baka deshi all the time, though, even though you are thirty, you still are the same as the first time I had met you".  
  
Kenshin blinked. Hiko was apologizing?  
  
Inside, Battousai was cheering. //This is a perfect blackmail opportunity!//  
  
Inside, Kenshin was oroing continuously: //Oro? Oro? Ororororororororororo?//  
  
"And I suppose it was harsh of me to put you through such strenuous stress during your training. But if I hadn't, you wouldn't have become stronger. You need to push your body to it's limit, Kenshin".  
  
"Oro?".  
  
"And, I should tell you how I really feel about you".  
  
"ORO?!".  
  
"I think of you as a son!", Hiko cried, hugging Kenshin in midair, bursting with tears.  
  
"ORRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOO?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".  
  
"WAA! I wouldn't be able to live without you! You're like the son I never had! Every time I look at you, my heart swells up in pride! WAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!".  
  
"SHISHOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!".  
  
Aww, wasn't dat so sweet?  
  
*in the plant's lair*  
  
Sanoske wearily looked around at his surroundings, annoyingly trying to ignore the hundreds of multicolor foxes chewing his clothes off his back. He was in a dark room, with many tubes with odd green slime and many different species and specimens Sano had never seen before.  
  
"Welcome to my home", the plant said in a long, drawling voice.  
  
"This is your home, green-face?".  
  
"SILENCE! My name is Ralphie, thank you! And you will address me as The- Greatest-Most-Ingenious-Living-Thing-In-This-Putrid-Earth, and nothing else!".  
  
"But I don't wanna!".  
  
"SILENCE! I have given thou permission to utter nothing but silence!".  
  
"Oh yeah? Since when do I listen to you?!".  
  
"MegDracula has given me custody and thereby ownership of you for one week. You will address me as master, and will obey as I wish".  
  
"Megumi doesn't own me, so you don't own me either!".  
  
"Ah, but, you have no free will as to decide who owns you or not".  
  
"WHAT?! I do too have free will- I've got my fist and I ain't afraid to use it!".  
  
"SSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNCCCEEEEEE!".  
  
"Okay, maybe I am".  
  
"Slave-Sano! You will listen to my pathetic whims and listen to my story!".  
  
Sano sat down and grabbed some tofu.  
  
"Two weeks ago, I was a happy plant. Green, fresh, alive, the oxygen poring out of me, the blessed carbon dioxide coursing through me, and the sun shining down upon me. The sugar was good, I was popular amongst the lady plants, life was good". The plant paused in it's thinking, and wiped his eye in sadness.  
  
"But then you came. You made the most putrid food I had ever smelled-"  
  
"NO-".  
  
"The taste was horrible! I mean, what kind of cooking is that?!-"  
  
"Gourmet cooking, finest in Japa-".  
  
"Your cooking stinks!".  
  
"NO IT-".  
  
" It smells worse than a combo between raw fish and vinegar and peanuts all in one! I mean, what did you PUT in that stuff?!".  
  
"I LIKE MY COOKING!".  
  
"You're the only one!".  
  
"IF you must know, I was the official chef in the Sekki Hotai, and everyone loved my cooking!".  
  
"They developed some immunity to your cooking".  
  
"NO THEY DIDN'T!".  
  
"Then I feel sorry for them, because they must have forced themselves to throw up behind your back, and that's no way to live".  
  
"THEY LOVED MY COOKING! THEY SAID IT WAS DA BOMB!".  
  
"They meant it literally. As in, when I taste your cooking, it feels like a nuclear bomb has just landed in my stomach".  
  
"IT WAS A TASTY BOMB!".  
  
"Hmm. Perchance this infidel's idiocy will befall to my exploitation".  
  
"I DUNNO WHAT YOU SAID, BUT I AIN'T HAPPY ABOUT IT!".  
  
"Yes, indeed it will".  
  
And then it did the cancan in delight, foxes dancing along.  
  
"Ohhh....who lives in a laboratory under the sea!", he sang.  
  
"The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth !", the foxes chanted.  
  
"Who's green and gorgeous and gorgeous as can be!", the plant chorused.  
  
"The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth!", the many multicolor foxes rang.  
  
"If torturous evil is something you wish!".  
  
"The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth!".  
  
"Then drop on the fertilizer and eat of Sano's cooking a dish (and then throw up)!".  
  
"OHHHHH!!!!".  
  
"The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth! The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth! The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth!".  
  
"The GreatEEEEEESSST Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid EAAAAARTH!".  
  
They all bowed down to the imaginary applause, finally done with dancing to the cancan.  
  
"So how do you like my theme song, Sano Who Is Unworthy Of My Breath?".  
  
"Hn".  
  
Okay. That was indeed no doubt strange beyong comprehension. Looks like there's more to Ralphie than meets the eye- I mean, looks like there's more to The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth than meets the eye.  
  
*Kenshin's still being hugged by Hiko*  
  
"Hiko- let- go- I- can't- BREAAATHE!", Kenshin screamed, his face the color of stale porridge.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!".  
  
"WHAT?! Let go of me NOW!".  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!".  
  
"LET GO SHISHOU!!".  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!".  
  
"WHY WON'T YOU LET GO?! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M DYING HERE?!".  
  
"I CARE ABOUT YOU SO MUCH I'D KILL YOU!".  
  
"SHISHOU EVEN IF THAT MADE SENSE, LET GO OF ME NOW!!!".  
  
Hiko sniffed. "Okay", he added sniffing.  
  
Kenshin breathed heavily. "Air! AIR! I HAVE AIR! I CAN LIIIIIVVVE!!!".  
  
He fell to his knees and raised his palms heavenward. Angels were singing gracefully, and violins were playing beautifully.  
  
"I CAN LIIIIIIIVVVVEEE!!!!".  
  
So with that little scenario, Kenshin took back his sword, and the little room full of candles disappeared, and they were back at the dojo.  
  
Just then, Saitou came in with Misao and a woman.  
  
"Saitou? Who's that next to you?", Yahiko, who had just finished his practice, asked, blinking.  
  
"mumble mumble".  
  
"Sorry, but mumble mumble isn't a word", Yahiko said matter-of-factly.  
  
"mumble mumble grumble grr".  
  
"Neither is mumble mumble grumble grr".  
  
"MUMBLE MUMBLE GRUMBLE GRR DIE YAHIKO!".  
  
"That's not answering my question, Saitou", Yahiko said, wagging his index finger as though telling Saitou he was a naughty boy.  
  
"MY WIFE, TOKIO, OKAY?".  
  
"Your wife?".  
  
"Oh, so *this* is the famous Saitou's wife!", Kenshin smiled.  
  
"You're my role model!", Kaoru exclaimed, holding Tokio's hand. "You teach other young women to not be afraid of chasing their dreams and to not take their lazy husband's trash!".  
  
But Tokio wasn't paying attention to Kaoru. She was paying attention to Kenshin.  
  
//Oh my, he's so inevitably gorgeous! I'm marrying him right now!// And with that, she bounded off to Kenshin, smiling genuinely.  
  
"Why hello, Kenshin! How lovely it is to see you!".  
  
"Hello Tokio. A pleasure it is, that it is!".  
  
"Will you marry me, Kenshin?".  
  
"OROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORORORORORORORORORORORO?!!???!".  
  
"WHAAAT?!", Kaoru screamed. "Forget role model, this is war!".  
  
"Your eyes are absolutely gorgeous, they're like glowing amethysts in the sky, swirling with fiery passion and beauty! Your hair is so fiery and red, like the white-hot-intensity of a thousand suns! And your scar, your scar is so cute and mysterious, and it makes me wonder, really what did happen to cause it! Your scar has such a- such a- strong sense of past and sadness and regret and loneliness! It is etched artfully into your radiant skin! What passion, what glory, what incentive is hidden in the mere cross on your cheek! It covers your face with a mysterious darkness that makes you so cool! I must say, Kenshin Himura, I am in LOVE with you!".  
  
(A/N: Wow. I didn't know I could write like that!)  
  
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!".  
  
"WAA! Tokio dumped me!", Saitou cried.  
  
Kaoru punched in her fist. "Tokio's going down. Way down".  
  
Yahiko looked at her edgily, then grinned. Then, taking out a megaphone, he sat down in a sun chair, and commentated on the fight.  
  
"And, it's gorgeous Yahiko Myogin here, commentating on the battle heating up between Tokio and Kaoru, over the gorgeous- yet not as gorgeous as me- Kenshin Himura!".  
  
"OOOOOOORRRRROOOOOO?! Miss Kaoru, Miss Tokio, NO!".  
  
"Stay out of this, Kenshin", Tokio grred, rounding Kaoru, who's bokken was ready to take action.  
  
"And it seems like the two girls are ready for the catfight, and the crowd is gathering around in anticipation! Currently the girls are- er- grring and giving each other I'll-kill-you-looks, and he's-mine-not-yours looks, and Yahiko-shut-up looks- HEY!".  
  
"ORO! Stop this madness!".  
  
"And it also seems like the center of it all ,the eye of the hurricane, the hub of the tornado, the cloud of the storm, Kenshin, is objecting to this battle! Unfortunately for him, he currently has NO free will, and has to shut up or die trying cause everyone wants to hear my serenading voice commentate on the fight!".  
  
Wow. Yahiko's full of himself, ain't he?  
  
Saitou's, in the corner, sniffed and put his face into his hands. "Where did I go wrong, Tokio!", he cried.  
  
"And it also seems that the recent dumped one is crying his heart out in pain to his beloved! Tokio- can't you hear him!".  
  
"Y-you were t-the only o-one who could understand me! And n-now- now you've ditched me f-for my once arch-r-rival!".  
  
"Wow! It's a classic you-ditched-me-and-went-for-my-enemy-tale! Feel the intensity! The rush! The excitement! The crowd cheering along with me, as they get eady to beat each other up and claim the prize, Kenshin!".  
  
"Stop right now! ORO!".  
  
Suddenly someone came to Yahio and whispered something in his ear. He grinned, and said in his megaphone, "I just received a request from an audience member to make a competition with different challenges and sports and the winner gets Kenshin. It's up to you, audience! You can choose what sports you'd like to see Tokio and Kaoru play to win Kenshin! Are you up for it?!". He mimicked putting a hand to his ear. "I can't heaaar you!".  
  
"YEESSSS!".  
  
"Alrighty then! Let the games begin!".  
  
"OROOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!".  
  
Well, you heard him, YOU can decide what games they should play to get Kenshin! So click that review button, and let's play!  
  
Credits:  
  
The theme song, I got the idea from the theme song of SpongeBob Squarepants.  
  
This entire chapter was based on melds of what the reviewers and myself suggested.  
  
The whole: I have given thou permission to utter nothing but silence thing came from a friend of mine, Jasmine.  
  
The definitions come from a lotta ppl. Thankies! Definitions:  
  
gi: the shirt thing Kenshin wears  
  
Amakakeru Ryuu No Hiromeki: The Final Attack of the Hiten Mitsurugi Style. The Hiko-Eradication Style is something I made up, so don't get confused.  
  
Oro: an expression of profound surprise  
  
baka deshi: stupid apprentice  
  
shishou: master  
  
bokken: a bamboo sword used in training 


	6. SORRY! Game 1 and Sano's fun

Okay, hi.  
**_I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so soso so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo_** SORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYY! (to express my sorriness, I wrote all that by hand. I didn't copy and paste it or anything)  
Ahem.  
  
I'm not dead. Yeah. Just thought you should know that. Uhm...well...sorry...  
  
Like you'll ever forgive me. But, truly, I'm sorry. Honest.  
  
So, anyways today, I was going over how many stories I never finished, and it came to TWENTY-ONE, so I decided to get my butt back into doing this. I expect I'll have to wait for a ew twenty chapters to load up till you guys forgive me.  
  
Anyways, these are my parting words till the story starts:  
  
"When all else fails, point and laugh".  
  
Ah! Welcome back to the tour of Rurouni Kenshin! Last time we were here, we left off at the point where Tokio and Kaoru were about to beat each other up in tiny pieces of flesh! But, while this was happening a key event was taking place. A key event, so big and mysterious and full of surprises and with such awe and alluring strength, we just had to build a time machine and go back! So, step right up to our beautiful time machine which has taken us months to build! (Yes, it's the big thing that looks like Barney the big Purple- yet fashion impaired- Dinosaur!).  
  
(A/N: That's my excuse for taking such a long time. We were building a time machine. Sure. Some millennium, maybe).  
  
You step in, unsuspecting, inside the giant machine that strangely resembles Barney, and look around the machine. Inside is a giant bar of chocolate, and a television screen, currently at pause, on the scene where Kaoru and Tokio are punching in their fists. You, in complete and utter hypnotism, reach out for the candy bar. It is screaming to you, "TAKE ME! EAT ME! YES! THE CHOCOLATE BAR! HEY! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?! Good. Now. Carefully- TAKE- THE-CHOCOLATE-BAR! EAT-THE-CHOCOLATE-BAR!". You irresistibly take the chocolate bar and take a bite. Suddenly, the entire world around you is shaking! KABOOM! KABOOM! KABOOOOOOOOM! KERFLOP! KABAAM! OTHER KA-WORDS! When you get up, you see the television, at halt at a scene in the Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing in This Putrid Earth's lab, where Sanosuke is sleeping, dreaming of none other than- CHOCOLATE BARS! Suddenly, amazingly, you are whooshed into the scene, and the pause button is now on play  
  
Welcome, welcome, one and all, to the Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing on This Putrid Earth's laboratory! It seems like Sanosuke has a sudden craving for chocolate bars!  
  
"Choco-", he snorted, groping the air around him for imaginary chocolate. Then he took his hand and put it in his mouth. "MMMM", he said happily. "Chocolatey Cocoa Puffs!". Then, he bit on his hand. "OW!", he screamed, still dreaming. "CHUU! YOU WILL PAY FOR TAKING MY CHOCOLATEY COCOA PUFFS!". Sano got up, still dreaming his head off, an began beating up one of the yellow sleeping foxes. The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing in This Putrid Earth was watching him in disgust, yet slight fascination.  
  
"He is PERFECT", he growled under his breath. "Step One for my evil plan to rule this Putrid Earth shall be commencing in three- two-one".  
  
He got up and jumped on his ceramic pot to Sano, stepping on his foot.  
  
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!", Sanosuke roared, opening blood-shot eyes. "You", he growled. "GET OFF MY BIG TOE!".  
It promptly jumped off, and Sano brought his toe to his cheek.  
  
"AWW, big toe, did the meanie planty hurt my biggie wittle toe-ey?", he cooed.  
  
The meanie planty sweatdropped, then, shaking its heading quickly, commanded to Sano: "SLAVE-SANO! We will begin my ingenious plan, which by the way, is mine, and will take my revenge on MegDracula- who, by the way- threw your horrendous cooking into myflowerpot!".  
  
Sano scratched his head, but then, had to rub his throbbing finger, because his hair gel was too thick. Sucking his finger, he said out of the corner of his mouth, "But it's my cooking, so shouldn't you be seeking revenge on me?".  
  
The meanie plant slapped its forehead. Can anyone get any stupider?!  
  
"SLAVE-SANO! It's my plan, and obviously, I'm the smart one in my lab, SO FOLLOW MY PLAN AND BE GRATEFUL!!!!!!!!".  
  
"Grateful for what? I got stuck with the sake, broke an essential body part, somehow ended up with the cruellest doctor in the world, ended up being her slave, met my arch-rival who stole my owner, then made some gourmet cooking for her, which she threw to a hyper-crazed maniac plant named Ralphie, who has stolen me and come back for revenge. WHAT'S THERE TO BE GRATEFUL ABOUT?!??!?!?!?!".  
  
"You still have your health, don't you?!".  
  
"Hn". Sano looked over at the yellow fox he had been killing. "Is this fair?", he asked it. It wheezed. "Hn, didn't think so".  
  
In Megumi's mansion  
  
"LALALALALALALALALALALALAAAAAAAAA!!!", Chuu yelled, making dinner.  
  
Megumi walked in, narrowing her eyes at his happiness. "What's there to be happy about?".  
  
"Well, I've just decided", Chuu said perkily, "that it doesn't matter whether or not you're dead or alive!". He grasped her hands, and was in fairy world of his own, hearts appearing in his eyes. "My love for you is too great for it to matter whether or not you're alive!".  
  
Megumi glanced at him uncertainly. "Wooooonderful", she muttered sarcastically. Now I have a crazed hyperactive nut stalking me! Being beautiful is so tiring!  
  
With that, she went into the living room, which still had some of her foxes prancing around in little circles. Tiny stains were on the ground, and her nose twitched. She said, with venom sputtering in her voice:  
  
"Hair gel".  
  
in some other room in the mansion  
  
Sano looked around nervously. As surprising as this may sound, Sanosuke Sagara, for the first time in his life, was NERVOUS! (collective gasp).  
  
He'd never been spying in a MANSION before, a mansion, to say the least, that brought him back nightmares.  
  
(flashbacks)  
  
(Sano is sleeping on the floor, Megumi standing over him)  
"SANO! WAKE UP! COOK FOR ME!"  
  
(Sano is cooking, wondering how many tons of vinegar to put in. Yes, tons. Megumi is glaring at him.  
"SANO! HURRY UP WITH MY BREAKFAST!".  
  
(Sano is scraping the floor, looking for every spec of dirt. Megumi suddenly pounds him on his head).  
  
"SAAANO!!!".  
  
(Sano is outside, enjoying the sun, when he should be washing the dishes. Megumi is getting a tan, turns around, and notices Sano)  
"SSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!".  
  
(flashback ends)  
  
Sanosuke had never been in a creepier house- full of ghosts and creaky sounds and rats and mice- well, not really. The mansion was squeaky clean, every step went unnoticed, and even the tiniest fruit fly was eliminated- but hey, close enough.  
  
He wasn't really even sure WHY he was here, all he knew was that if he didn't follow the Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing In This Putrid Earth's orders, then he would have to sacrifice the REST of his toes. Sano had begged for mercy- that was too cruel of a punishment! He spent WAAAAY to long filing and cutting and polishing his nails to let all that go to waste.  
  
Which is how he ended up here. Sano creeped against the walls in the upper floor, peering out of the edge of the door, then, when he saw a tall figure coming up the stairs, lurched his stomach in and tried to look as though he was part of the wall inside the room.  
  
Megumi's pale white skin was slightly blushed with slight anger as she wriggled her nose, walking up the steps, determined to find the perpetrator of the hair gel. She had a good guess of who it was, but she felt like pretending she didn't know because that way it was more fun.  
  
WHOOSH! Suddenly, the entire scene is black and white like in those old murder mysteries, and the thunder is rolling outside, as a haunting tune is playing as Megumi walked across the steps.  
  
Dun. Dunt tudun tadadadadada. Dun. Dunt tudun tadadadadada...  
  
"And it's the beautiful Megumi Takani, on the search of the criminal, edging her way down the corridors of this alluring mansion", she whispered into a long stick, a black hat covering half of her face, her wearing a long, thin black coat, and pointy black heels.  
  
Sanosuke, still in the room, pretending to look small and insignificant, gulped. When Megumi Takani was on the case, well, nobody got past her. Her pointy heels made sure of that. Sanosuke, by the way, had a new wardrobe- a black suit with a long black tie, and some cool sunglasses across his eyes. There would be a hat there, too, but his hair was too pointy. Give some mercy to the hat, please.  
  
Dun. Dunt tudun tadadadadada. Dun. Dunt tudun tadadadadada...  
  
"Okay", he whispered, "now what did he say? Oh yeah, that's right...distract her". Sanosuke mentally prepared himself. Did I write my will? Yeah, okay. What else did I need to do? Oh yeah, tell Jou-chan to pay for all of my bills at the Akabeko....did I do that? Ah, who cares, I'll be dead by the time Tae comes in with the military.  
  
So, with that little testimony, he took up a small stone, and, with expert skill, while Megumi's back was turned around, threw it to the room on the other end of the hall. Megumi's face snapped around, and, narrowing her eyes, she headed in the direction of the sound.  
  
Sanosuke held his breath, hoping like mad that she wouldn't catch him, or hear his heart beating, which sounded like Kaoru attacking Kenshin constantly with frying pans. That guy's head is just way too strong.  
  
Sanosuke wondered if anybody was worried about him. He scratched his nose in thought.  
  
flashbacks  
  
Sanosuke is eating Kaoru's fish. "It's no good at all. Girl, you've got to take some cooking lessons. I could teach you to do better than this. How do you take this day after day, Kenshin?"  
  
Kenshin replied, "It's not that bad. The more of Miss Kaoru's cooking you eat, the better it tastes".  
  
Sanosuke replied, "Oh, so this is some kinda exotic acquired taste, is it?"  
  
Kaoru, in anger, began pelting at him pans and pots and other painful stuff. "IF IT'S BAD THEN DON'T EAT IT! YOU COME OVER HERE ALL THE TIME TO MOOCH FOOD!".  
  
Nope. Definitely not her.  
  
"SANOSUKE! PAY YOUR STINKIN FEE!", Tsubame yelled for the first time in her life, as Sano ran out quickly.  
  
Hmm...don't know her that well, but it's probably a no as well.  
  
"DON'T THROW ME!", Yahiko roared for the twentieth time.  
  
Throwing the kid was fun...but no.  
  
"ORO?! ORORORORORORORORORORORORORO??!!!!!".  
  
No comment.  
  
Megumi, well, she was a no-brainer. Which, by the way, Sano didn't have.  
  
end of flashbacks.  
  
Sano pouted. I'm so under-appreciated in this world! I mean, I saved Kenshin a trillion times, I've stood up for Yahiko since forever, I fight to protect Jo-chan and Ayame and Suzame, I've stopped countless fights form breaking out inside the Akabeko, and I stopped Megumi from committing suicide! WHAT DOES A GUY HAFTA DO TO GET SOME APPRECIATION AROUND HERE?!?!?!?!".  
  
(flashback!)  
  
"AT LEAST DO SOMETHING AROUND HERE!", Kaoru roared as Sano casually walked away.  
  
"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YA- PAY THE BILL!". Tae shook her fist as Sano once again walked away as though nothing had happened.  
  
"At least make yourself useful around here and help us do the chores!," Yahiko whined, shaking a washcloth at Sanosuke, who was calmly chewing on a fishbone.  
  
"Sessha would appreciate it if you would not yell so loudly," Kenshin said nervously.  
  
"Learn how to cook!," Chuu and Megumi yelled simultaneously.  
  
"Put yourself together, man!" The Greatest Most Ingenious Living Thing On This Putrid Earth said, "Stop hugging your toes and get over to MegDracula's mansion!"  
  
(flashback ends)  
  
"Well," Sano mumbled, "besides all that, there's nothing else I'm supposed to be doing!"  
  
He sighed, leaned back against the wall, and scratched his nose. Then, remembering what he was supposed to be doing, he quietly tip-toed downstairs while Megumi was searching for the sound. He gently opened the door, ran into the backyard, and pulled out what looked like a giant tank from inside a bush. Then, quietly, he pulled off the cap of the tank, and looked in. A whoosh of wind zapped his face.  
  
Sanosuke coughed, glaring at the tank. Normally, he'd roll up his sleeves, glare at the tank, and ask haughtily, "You want a piece of me, bub?" but he was too afraid for his toes, so he decided to forget about it.  
  
Then, quickly, he put his mouth over the hole of the bottle, feelinga strange sensation in his mouth. He capped the bottle, cleared his throat, and ran back inside, up the many staircases, till he reached the top floor.  
  
Sano rubbed his hands gleefully, looking a small window above him. He pushed the window up, and was about to climb out, but then the window fell back in! Infact, it fell so back in that it hit Sano's head.  
  
Sanosuke grumbled. He had just about enough of this! He was about to punch the window's lights out, when he felt a minor pain in his toe. He turned his hands to fists, and climbed out.  
  
Sano cleared his throat. "Ahem, ahem," he said squeakily.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! SAAAAAAAAAAVVVEEEEEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed in a tiny, childish little voice. It sounded more like, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVEEEEEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".  
  
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Sanosuke swallowed helium. Normally, one would think that this was oddly intelligent of him, to disguise his voice, but...no. He just wanted to see what it would be like. Yes, it's sad.  
  
(flashback!)  
  
"Hey, Katsu!" a ten-year-old Sanosuke said to a twelve-year-old black-haired, blue-eyed little boy. "Whatcha doin?"  
  
Katsu grinned. "See that guy?" he asked, pointing to a clown selling balloons, "I'm gonna get me a balloon tank!"  
  
"A what?" Sano asked, wide brown eyes scrunching together in puzzlement.  
  
"Watch."  
  
Katsu ran on top of a roof, and yelled out to the public running merrily across the street, (with the occasional drunkie acting like he just got hit on the head with cement), "HEY! EVERYBODY! FREE SAKE AT THE KYOTO DINER! NO AGE RESTRICTIONS!"  
  
Immediately, everybody in the street, including little three year olds, rushed over to the Tokyo Diner, which was about twenty blocks away.  
  
(while that was going on)  
  
A tall man sat, tending to his fire, sipping sake from a small bowl. He patted his trusted sake bottle. Then, his super-keen senses detected something. Something so heavenly, so pure and full of utter, joyful bliss, that any human who was sane would feel as though he had fallen into heaven: "FREE SAKE AT THE KYOTO DINER!"  
  
Hiko's mouth dropped open. Little hearts appeared in his eyes. Then, as though he were in a trance, he got up, holding his sake bottle, and left the fire, walking to the Kyoto Diner like Frankenstein.  
  
If one were to observe his face in the moonlight, they would notice he was crying in pure joy.  
  
"AT LAST! I CAN DIE HAPPY!"  
  
One would also have to be very deaf to not have heard that, even if they were all the way in America. (back to Katsu)  
  
Sanosuke looked impressed. "That was fast. How'd you think up that one?"  
  
(For the confused tourist, who is wondering why Sanosuke hasn't run over to the Kyoto Diner yet, seeing as he's the dumbest oaf to enter the-er-eighteenth century, it would be helpful to know that, in his early childhood, Sanosuke was actually sensible. Yes, yes, it's a shock to me too, that I'm writing Sanosuke and was and sensible in the same sentence. Miracles do happen)  
  
"I heard Captain Sagara use that one when some girl kept following him around," Katsu replied offhandedly, walking to the tank.  
  
"Whatcha doin'?", Sano asked, cocking his head to a side.  
  
Katsu smiled mischievously, and he broke off the cap to the helium tank.  
  
"Watch and learn, my brotha."  
  
He sucked the opening in the bottle, then withdrew his mouth, wiped it, and capped it back again.  
  
"Mmhmm. Me me me me meeee!"  
  
Sanosuke raised an eyebrow.  
  
Suddenly, Katsu got a thug look on his face. "Hey yo! Watsup, yo' dogs and cats! We gon' chill down at Kyoto Diner! Less' PARTAY!"  
  
Sano snorted. "What happened to your voice?! It's squeaky and- and- squeaky- and- and- girly- and-"  
  
We'll stop him right there. Though sensible, young Sanosuke lacked good vocabulary. Still does, infact.  
  
"This, my friend," squeaked Katsu, "is how to attract all the ladies"  
  
Sanosuke sweatdropped.  
  
(end flashback)  
  
Yes, so really, either Sanosuke wanted to attract ladies, or he just had a strange, pure, childish urge to follow in the steps of his role model.  
  
Nah.  
  
Now, it's just about now that the games between Tokio and Kaoru will begin, so we may as well return to them. We'll catch up with Sano and Megumi later.  
  
"And now!" Yahiko yelled into the super megaphone, "it's the moment you all have been waiting for- my beautiful voice speaking again!"  
  
"Cut to the chase!" a man yelled in the crowd, amidst boos.  
  
"Well, sorry," Yahiko sniffed, then resumed his composure. "Now," he began, pointing to the scenery from below, (he was standing in a tree), "as you can see, Kenshin is standing, tied to a tree, with an apple on his head! And Tokio and Kaoru," he pointed to two headset women, each carrying a sack on their back, holding a bow and arrow, twenty feet away from Kenshin "are more than ready to take down that apple! The person with the best aim (and doesn't kill Kenshin while they're at it) wins!"  
  
"ORO?! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?!," (guess who) said, confused.  
  
"Ready?," Yahiko asked, putting his ear to the crowd.  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"I can't heeaaar you!"  
  
"YEAH!"  
  
"Still can't heeaaar you!"  
  
"WE'RE READY!"  
  
"What was that you said?"  
  
"HURRY UP OR WE'LL ALL MUTILATE YOU!"  
  
"Eep!" Yahiko said. "Ahem. Well. Okay then, Kaoru! Tokio! Get ready! Tokio, you're first- cause Kaoru's cruel and mean!"  
  
Tokio smirked, and glared at Kaoru. "Sorry, honey," she said sweetly, "but Kenshin's all mine!"  
  
Kaoru stuck her tongue out at her. "Hope you lose!"  
  
Tokio glared at Kenshin's head. "Get ready to go down, red," she threatened the apple.  
  
"Uh-oh," Kenshin said.  
  
"ONE!", the crowd roared, behind Yahiko.  
  
"This isn't good. Is it possible to get outta here?" Kenshin wondered, fumbling with ropes tied around his body.  
  
"TWO!"  
  
"Oh no. Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no! Uhm, better start my will. Er. First off, I'd like to ask for forgiveness from all of the people I killed. And- um-Kaoru gets my laundry- Yahiko gets my sakabatou- um- Sano gets-"  
  
"THREE!"  
  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!" Kenshin yelled, as Tokio's arrow flew to him.  
  
SPLEEE!  
  
Kenshin blinked. And blinked again. Then, he began crying. "Thank you! Thank you, kami-sama! I knew you loved me!"  
  
Tokio's arrow had spliced straight through the apple. In fact, the apple was cut neatly into tiny little halves.  
  
Tokio smirked again, amidst applause. "Beat that," she challenged Kaoru.  
  
"Oh, I will," Kaoru said viciously, as the count began again.  
  
"Wait! You mean- I have to do this again?!" Kenshin asked wildly, as another apple was placed on his head by Tsubame.  
  
"Yep!" she said gleefully, then patted his shoulder in mock-comfort.  
  
Kenshin turned to the person who was aiming next. He gulped. K-Kaoru?! SHE'LL WHIP MY HEAD OFF! SHE'LL TURN IT INTO BITE-SIZED RITZ CRACKERS! WITH PEANUT BUTTER!  
  
"Maybe kami-sama doesn't love me as much as I thought," Kenshin whimpered.  
  
"Get ready, Kenshin!" Kaoru yelled from twenty feet away.  
  
"Oi!" Kenshin squeaked, his eyes turning to saucers. "Not good. Not good. Not good at all"  
  
"ONE!" The countdown began.  
  
Maybe, Kenshin thought mistily, If I just believe enough in the samurai fairy, Hiko always told me about, with some miracle, I won't die!!With that, he closed his eyes and prayed. Please don't let Kaoru splice my head into tiny bite-size pieces. Please don't let Kaoru splice my head into tiny-bite-size pieces. Please don't let Kaoru-  
  
"TWO!"  
  
Don't let me die! Don't let me die! Don't let me-  
  
"THREE!!!!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPP!!!!!!"  
  
Schweeeeeeee!  
  
Kenshin opened his eyes. He looked from one side to the other. People everywhere were eating...eating apples!  
  
"Am I in Nirvana?" he asked dreamily.  
  
"Hey! Hey Kenshin!" Kaoru yelled, waving to him about fifteen feet away, on top of a large crowd who were holding her up. "I won the first game!"  
  
Kenshin sighed, smiled, and congratulated her when she made it there.  
  
"But...how?" he asked.  
  
Kaoru grinned. "See, first, someone, and I have a very good idea who it is, pushed me, so when I released the arrow, it hit about....let's say, twenty three apples on the tree you're tied to? And so those all fell, and one of the apples hit the one on your head, so then technically, I did hit your apple, even though it was indirectly."  
  
"But weren't the rules that the one with the best aim wins?"  
  
Kaoru shrugged. "Well, yes, there's that" she said offhandedly, "but since everybody got a free snack, I WIN!" She laughed maniacally.  
  
They were quiet after that. Nervously quiet.  
  
Kenshin cleared his throat. "Uhm...Kaoru? I have to tell you something. It's really important"  
  
"Yes, Kenshin?" Kaoru asked, hearts appearing in her eyes.  
  
"Well...I've been meaning to say this for a while now..."  
  
"Mmhmm?" Kaoru asked eagerly.  
  
"Well, I was wondering if you could..."  
  
"Yes?" she asked expectantly.  
  
"UNTIE ME FROM THIS DUMB TREE?!"  
  
Kaoru's face turned beet-red.  
  
"Am I in trouble?" Kenshin asked.  
  
Kaoru lifted up her bow and arrow, and pointed it directly at Kenshin's heart.  
  
Yes. Yes, I am  
  
"I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO SAY ONE THING, JUST ONE LITTLE EETSY BEETSY KEETSY LITTLE THING, AND SO THERE YOU STAND, PRETENDING TO BE ALL NERVOUS, AND I STAND HERE, EXPECTANT, AND YOU ASK ME TO TIE YOU FROM A TREE?!?!?!?!??!?! YOU'RE SO SELFISH!"  
  
"Oro?"  
  
"QUIT OROING LIKE THAT!!!"  
  
"There, there, Sir Ken," said Tokio softly, gently, untying Kenshin from the tree. "It's okay. I'll protect you from the mean old lady"  
  
Kaoru fumed. "OLD LADY?!"  
  
"You heard me!"  
  
"Get your hands offa Kenshin! And don't you dare ever call me an old lady, ever, ever, ever AGAIN!"  
  
"Does the truth hurt, Kaoru?!"  
  
"You wanna see pain?! Well, meet my fist!", Kaoru threatened. Kenshin grabbed her fist before it hit Tokio.  
  
"Now, now, ladies," he said innocently, "maybe we can all set aside our differences and work together-"  
  
"STAY OUT OF THIS!" they yelled.  
  
Kenshin sighed, while everybody else ate apples, munching and crunching and chewing. So, Kenshin joined in. It would seem, to the one watching, that the games hadn't even started.  
  
Remember to read and review!  
  
Oro: an expression of profound surprise Kami-sama: I think it means God Yes, yes, that chapter was kinda...dumb....but I promise to improve! FORGIVE ME! (gets on hands and knees) PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
